the Parking Lot
I'm really excited about tonight. B and I have declared Friday nights as our "official" date night. Nobody else can join us. No friends. No family. No distractions. Just us. With the exception of last week's wedding rehearsal, we have done it every Friday night for the past month. It is a wonderful time of reconnecting after a hectic week.
For some reason I have had Jenn and Bryan on the brain today. About a week and a half ago, they were both over at our house for weekly poker night. While everybody else left around 10pm, the two of them stayed for another 45min. or so and chatted. When she got up to leave, he said, "I'll walk you out."
When I fell asleep at 1:45pm, he was still "Walking her out."
She is so resistant to this relationship when she talks with me. It's understandable. There was a lot of pain there. A lot. And some of it probably still remains. It has taken her two years to get to the point where she feels like she can pursue a friendship again. But can two people with that much history be just friends?
Okay, I am not saying anything to her, because nobody knows how she feels more than she does. I am not judging or presuming. I just have a few observations:
She says, "I want to be with somebody I can't live without. I just go to him when I am lonely, when I need attention. Then once I get the attention, I'm fine... I guess because I know he's always gonna be there."
I don't think she realizes how powerful that last statement is.
The only person in my life that I can say that about is B, my husband.
She says, "I want to be with somebody I can't live without." But does she really know what it is like to live without him? I mean, even during the two years that they weren't together, she never stopped talking about him. Positive or negative, he was always on her mind. She even compared present crushes to her relationship with him. Again, during this whole time, she knew he would take her back any time. She was the one who didn't want it. He was always there.
Now she talks about this youth pastor that she really likes. But she can't talk to him. She says she gets too nervous around him. Yet she can stand out in the parking lot till 2am talking with Bryan about nothing.
But... what if... he found someone else? What if he married someone other than her? Then he wouldn't "always be there." He would "always be there" for some. I asked her that the other day. She said, "Well, then I guess if there is someone else for him, then God has someone else for me out there." She said it so flippantly that I was surprised.
Maybe I'm wrong about this whole thing. Maybe he really doesn't mean that much to her. I don't know. I have just been thinking about them a lot.
I guess selfish wishful thinking. It would be so much easier on me and B if they would hook up. It would be another couple like C & J where everybody likes everybody, ya know what I mean?
Well, I guess I just needed to get that off of my mind.