The Weekend
Okay... I'm going to warn you in advance that this has the potential to be a really long entry. I apologize in advance. I just have several things that I need to get off my chest and into the computer. It's a cleansing ritual... you understand.
Friday night:
Well, the costume party was fun, but a bit of a disappointment to me. I had the party so that I could start establishing some relationships here in Athens. Of course B's friends were invited, as always, but I also invited a few more people. Two girls from my work - both married, and great people. One got tickets to the GA/FL game, the other (who said she would be there) never showed up. KP, the girl that I cooked with Thursday night, didn't show up until 9:30ish, and when she did, she was more interested in the guys than with establishing any female relationships. Jen had other obligations, but said she would come late. She also said she was bringing her sister and two friends. I said, "The more the merrier." I was really excited about all those girls coming. Jen showed up around 11pm, alone. Then she left about 30min. later because the other girls were waiting for her... they had plans. *grrr* Then there was another girl that I was REALLY excited about getting to know. She is a few years older than me, but she is so very interesting. Every time I am around her, I feel encouraged. She is just one of those people that makes you feel like who you are is okay... if that makes any sense at all. Anyways, I called her like 3 weeks ago to tell her about the party. She said she would be there. Then I talked with her last Wednesday night. She was excited about it. She bailed. Never showed up.
*hmph*
So, it was me, C, J, B, and his friends. I am really glad C and J were there, but I REALLY need some friends down here. And NONE of them showed. *jerks*
So then Saturday came:
I got up and made breakfast for me, C, and J. They ate and left around 10:30am. I cried for most of the morning. I just can't take this whole separation thing. It's too much. Especially when I seem to have ZERO ability to make new friends. So B got home from work around 1:30pm. And he asked, "What's wrong?" I didn't answer him because if I did, I would burst into tears. He said, "What's wrong? Why are you about to cry?"
-- Now I want to break in right here to tell you what an amazing improvement that question shows. I mean, in the past, if I was upset, he would run the other direction - usually shutting himself in the TV room and playing video games, or sleeping - but not this time. It was so nice to have him "confront" the problem and ask, "What's wrong?" --
I told him, and (like I knew I would) I burst into tears. I told him how frustrating it was.
When we had our fight last week, one of the things that he said was that it is really difficult for him because he is my only friend here in Athens. So whenever he wants to go out with his friends, it makes him feel bad because he is leaving me home alone... instead of me going out with my friends too (like in Cleveland).
So Saturday, I told him, "I don't want to be so dependent on you. I know it's hard for you to have all this pressure. I WANT to make other relationships, but do you see what I mean? I can't!"
Then he said what I knew he would say... what he says every time I talk about making friends... "Well, when I said you should make friends, I meant with our existing friends, like..."
I winced. He was about to name the same names he ALWAYS names.
But then he stopped.
"... well, I guess they are not really your type. So-and-so is way to immature for you, and I just don't thing that what's-her-name is the type of friend you usually like."
*YESSSSSSS*FINALLY!!!!!!!!*RELIEF*
He finally gets it!!! FINALLY!!!!
There was no guilt trip for not wanting to pursue those relationships. There was a simple understanding of what *I* am looking for. And he listened...and he understood.
That was like the sexiest thing he's done in ages. *meow*
*ahem* Anyways...
So we... ya know... had some fun... hehe...
Then we went to his parent's house to watch the game. That was actually kind of fun.
Finally, after the game, he and his friends went to watch a movie that I had NO interest in seeing. So I called Jen to see if she wanted to come over to watch a movie. And to my surprise, she said yes.
So we watched semi-scary/stupid movies and ate the leftover cheesecake. Mmmmm... It was nice to have more girl time.
Sunday morning we spent at my grandaddy's church because they were have a day to honor him and our family for the contributions we have made. All my aunts and uncles and cousins were there, and we all sang on stage.
The message was JUST WHAT I NEEDED. He talked about Simeon (the man at the temple who said that the Holy Spirit told him that he would not die until he saw the Messiah). Grant (the pastor) said that Simeon waited on God despite changes that were going on in the temple, despite what the pharisees said to him... he waited... because God had made a promise to him... and he believed it.
And so here I am... waiting... God promised me a Ruth... and I believe him... so I will wait.
Then we went home, took a nap... had a little more "fun"... hehe... and B went to play "airsoft." (I think it's a game where the guys run around in the woods shooting each other with little plastic BB's... go figure.) I slept a little longer, then I got up and watched a movie. I just decided that I did not want to clean house, and I wasn't going to. It was really nice to just relax for a bit.
*sigh*
So... that was my weekend... but here are the significant things....
1.) B is like the man of my dreams. I talked with him about things this weekend that I have NEVER talked with him about... spiritual things. I asked him questions that I needed to know. And he answered honestly. God knows I needed that. And he wants to spend time with me now. He "pursues" me. I love it. I love him. I knew that last Sunday was a turning point, but I didn't know it would affect us this much. I tell him when I don't like things. He tells me when he is unhappy about something. And it's okay. There is no fear of "losing" what we have. It's absolutely amazing.
I didn't know marriage could be like this.
Thank God!!! THANK GOD!!!
2.) The message yesterday was such a blessing to me. I needed to hear that God is faithful to his word... if I just wait.
3.) It was SOOOO good to see C and J. C's tummy is showing, and she just glows with her pregnancy.
4.) I told B I wanted a baby sooo badly. He said this time next year, we can start trying. If things keep going the way they are... that will be wonderful timing emotionally - though I'm not sure about financially. I will let him worry about that part.
5.) I have lost some weight. The scale says only about 5lbs. but I have to safety-pin my pants to keep them from falling off. *yay*
6.) I am finally pulling out of this *funk* that I have been in. Thank God for prayers from other people! I wouldn't have made it without them!
Okay... I think that's it. I'm sure I'll be back before the end of the day.
Thank you, Jesus, for taking care of me... and for dancing with me. *smiles*