Competitive Loser
Yeah... so I'm a total competition whore.
I have to compete... with somebody... everybody... it doesn't matter.
And I didn't realize how bad it was until now...
I'm playing solitaire at work...
SOLITAIRE!
And in my mind, without even thinking about it, I immediately pretend that I am in a competition where the goal is to get the highest score in the shortest amount of time.
And it is telivised
With announcers.
"Oh, I bet she's regretting that move now. If only she had known that a 3 of hearts was the next card in the stack."
And I've even made up imaginary rules...
Like...
You can only use the "undo" button once in a given round.
And if you go over 200 seconds, you are automatically disqualified...
Because EVERYBODY knows that ANYONE who is ANYBODY in the "professional solitaire championship tournament" should be able to finish a round in under 3.3 minutes.
And that's how lame I really am.
Don't you feel better about yourself now?