I AM
Sitting in a classroom 20 minutes early. Two random guys with their ipods and crossword puzzles. Me with my laptop and Jittery Joe's coffee.
Medium. Dark Roast. With a shot of cinnamon. And room for cream.
It's my standard order on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays... when I have the money.
Speaking of money. Things suck right now. Literally. Things are sucking our finances away.
We just paid ANOTHER $2500 on our plumbing, bringing our grand total to almost $6000 in the last three months.
Then we got a $700 phone bill because our rollover minutes ran out.
So... needless to say... things are tight right now.
That's not to say that God doesn't have a solution. I realize that when we pray for something, the answer is established. It may just take some time for us to get to it.
I know He has an answer.
But the longer this financial CRUSH continues, the more I think that this thing really is about B.
He is so disappointed with the Lord. He was telling me last night how he's never believed like he's believing now. He said he has been quoting scripture and speaking out his faith.
He repeats and reminds himself about the words from Bishop K and Judy J.
But all of the things that we spoken over us for this year have not happened.
As a matter of fact, the opposite has happened.
And in the midst of all this, I have peace. I mean, it stresses me out that B is so upset. But as far as the financial part, I'm not worried.
All year the Lord has been talking with me about the Israelites in the desert.
And about what God told Moses at the burning bush.
When Moses asked, "Who should I say sent me?"
God replied, "Tell them the I AM sent you."
I never understood that phrase until this year.
Basically, God was saying to Moses, "Don't tell them what I do... tell them who I am. Tell them not to believe in what I do... tell them to believe in who I am."
I honestly believe that it was THAT revelation there at the burning bush that caused Moses to stand strong when everyone else - even Aaron and Miriam - doubted God.
And I identify with the Israelites. Really, I do.
God said to them, "I am going to take you out of Egypt and into the land that I promised to your forefathers. This is a land flowing with milk and honey."
(I am paraphrasing all these verses.)
What God DIDN'T say was, "I'm going to take you out of Egypt where you will wander in the desert for 40 years. Your clothes will never wear out and you will always have food and water. But you will have to wear the same clothes for the next 40 years because there will be nowhere to buy fabric for new clothes. And you'll have to eat the same thing every day for the next 40 years. It's called manna, and it's a strange food that you've never had before. Say goodbye to all the foods you knew and loved because you're stuck with manna and quail for 40 years. Oh, and by the way, you won't have a map or any idea where you're going or even when you're going there. Becuase you'll have to wait on me every day for the next 40 years. You can only move when my cloud moves, and sometimes we will stay in one spot for days - long enough for you to build the temple and make your sacrifices. Finally, when you get to the Promised Land, you can't just walk in and live there... because it is overrun with giants. You will have to send your children into battle against those giants because you will not be able to enter into the land at all."
So, yeah, I totally get why some of the Israelites were like, "Dang. I want to go back to Egypt."
I REALLY understand that.
But why did Moses never reach that point? Was it because he was stronger than the others? Or because he saw more signs and wonders than the others?
I really don't think so.
He was a witness to the Red Sea parting, just like everyone else.
I think the reason he never flailed like everyone else was because of that one revelation at the burning bush - "I AM."
I think Moses never looked back because he had faith in who God is first, and what He was doing second.
Because you and I will never understand God's mind. "His ways are higher than our ways, and his thoughts are higher than our thoughts."
And the trap that many of us fall into is this: God says, "This is what is going to happen." And we put ALL our faith and ALL our hope in the THING that God has promised to DO.
And while God does not lie, and He will fulfill His promises, there may be a desert between here and there.
And if we put all of our trust in the promised land, then when we hit the desert, we can become disillusioned, disappointed, and desiring to go back to Egypt.
But our faith has to be in who God is... in the fact that He is a good God who does not lie.
Because once we are able to put our faith in the I AM... in who God is... then our circumstances cannot shake us. Because regardless of what He is or isn't doing, we know that He's good and that it will all work out for our best.
And it is out of that place - the place of complete trust in WHO GOD IS - that we can say, "I am the head and not the tail. I am above and not beneath. I am the lender and never the borrower. I am blessed in the home and blessed in the field. Everything that I put my hand to is blessed."
Because REGARDLESS of what the Israelites were SEEING, they were destined to rule the Promised Land. It was established.
And REGARDLESS of the crap that is going on in my life, I am destined to rule. It is established.
Because He is the I AM. And the I AM is good... and never a liar.