Day 13: Just hovering.
I feel jumpy tonight. Not sure why. Like I keep seeing things out of the corner of my eye and getting scared.
Guess I'll pray about it.
This was a fairly common thing in the states, where our neighborhood wasn't exactly the safest. I constantly had to fight against living in fear, and the Lord had really begun to free me from living like that.
But here, I haven't had this feeling one time. I feel safe here.
My mom is a scared person. She kept double checking to make sure windows and doors were locked before she went to bed.
So maybe that has rubbed off on me a bit.
But, like I said, I'll pray about it and know that the Lord is my shelter and my protection.
In weight news, I'm pretty much maintaining around 255 right now. As I said, I'm ok with that for these first six weeks or so. As long as I don't gain, I'm cool for a bit.
My hormones have also leveled out, and I'm beginning to realize what it feels like to be a young, energetic wife and mom. This is a new feeling for me since this whole hormonal thing started eight months before I got married. It feels like my entire experience of being a wife/mom has been exhausting and emotional up until this point.
But I have energy now. The desire to keep a clean home has always been there, but rarely have I had days where the energy was there.
Then, as soon as I did one month of hormone therapy, I got pregnant.
So I haven't had any time as a normal, young, energetic housewife.
I've only had two days of it now, since my mom left (and I'm still recuperating from the delivery). But these two days have been the best I can remember in a long time.
The housework is backed up. I haven't quite learned how to navigate when both girls are screaming at the same time. And my stride is still as sore as all get-out. But these have been really good, fun, peaceful, productive days.
Two in a row. TWO DAYS IN A ROW.
It's very exciting.
I hope I'm not speaking too soon. But I think not.
I have decided, however, that I will retake the saliva test in January when we go to the states for a visit, and then probably every couple years after that... for the rest of my life.
I don't ever want to let it get to the point it was at last fall. I want to always keep an eye on it and never let myself get back to the old, tired, hormonal me. Never ever ever.
Ok. That's it for tonight. Just waiting for M to get up for her feeding, and then I'm off to bed.