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So many mixed emotions tonight. So many.
I've been more sick (sicker?) than I think I have ever been over the last three days. Went to the hospital on Thursday and got a shot to knock out my fever and get the swelling down in my tonsils so I could, you know, swallow my own spit.
So I have felt in a bit of a haze up until this morning (after a decent night of sleep in my own bed).
All that to say, I'm tired. And tiredness can make emotions take on personalities of their own.
Still, I'm trying to remain steady. Today has held no moments of elation or pits of despair. I'm holding both of those at bay.
C and J leave Korea tomorrow, and it will feel like a lonelier place once they're gone. B & A are still coming to hang out, and that will be fun. But... after this trip, I realize that she's not quite the "kindred spirit" that I once thought she was, and it's hard for me to think about them being "our couple" if we go back to Athens.
But...
Where once we felt as if we were choosing the lesser of two evils (Athens or Korea), there is now a true-blue-through-and-through third option in the works. It's one we're excited about. Nay, it's one we are THRILLED about, but it's not a guarantee. So I'm doing my very very VERY best to keep my excitement at bay until after we send our resumes and do our interviews, etc.
But regardless of my intentions, I spent most of today googling information about the area, getting quotes on U-ha*l trucks, and figuring out which furniture to move and which to replace.
So much for keeping the excitement at bay.
I told B, I am too excited about it to hear the Lord's voice clearly or to be certain it is Him when He talks. I think I hear a "yes," but when emotions are this high, it's easy to convince myself that I'm hearing God when it's really just me.
So I'm praying and pleading that He will SLAM this door in our FACES if this is not His will. We cannot afford another bad financial decision. We are just coming out of this hole and starting to see some hope of recovery. We cannot go back to where we were. And I believe if we stay in the Lord's will and make good decisions, then we will be ok.
So, all that to say, we are praying for the Lord to please prevent us from doing this if it will be the wrong decision.
In the meantime, I'm not sure I can contain my excitement.
I think I might just give into it and deal with the consequences later.
Mature, no?