Reality
Reality hit this morning, and it came in the form of acceptance.
I don't know what I'm going to do at this point.
B and I crunched our numbers last night, and if we start charging his family the full price for the duplex (just enough to cover the mortgage), and if I can manage to make around $200/month on something, then we would just barely be breaking even.
I feel that our best move is to go back to Athens. We would have free childcare; so I could hold a part-time job. The rent is cheaper. And right now, there are 8 math openings in the area for B's qualifications.
B feels that the decision is too quick, and we should just see what is available here.
I have an interview on Friday morning.
As far as emotions... I have accepted what's happening.
T handed me my official termination letter yesterday. I was hurt. He is definitely not going to let me get unemployment. When C asked him why, he said, "I'm not going to lie for her."
Part of me is screaming, "That's not fair!! I have put up with so much shit from this company!! It has dominated my life for the last 18 months!!! What the hell!!! Don't you think you owe me a little courtesy???"
But another part of me looks at his reasons for firing me, and sees them for what they are - the truth.
I still the way this happened is suspicious. I still think it has a lot to do with his dad. I still think he is being malicious and cruel in the way this whole thing is happening.
But I also see that there are things I could have done better. There are areas where I failed.
That's something I've never felt before. Of course I've failed stuff - but failing a test is nothing like failing a job.
I really just want to be finished there. I want to tell him that I'm not coming back after Friday. I want to never ever ever step foot in that hell hole again.
But that's not how it's working out. I need a paycheck. At least until we have a plan.
So for a few more weeks, T controls my life. Then I'm done... forever.
(and screw his effin' coffee shop.)
Another reality that hit me this morning is this: I have spent minimal time praying about this situation. So I'm getting off the computer... and I'm going to pray.
Please pray with me.