Since B's injury...
I asked the Lord to make me less selfish. To give me discipline. To help me choose my husband, my family, my home above my needs for "alone time" or sleep.
And here I am.
B is completely incapacitated, and it looks like he will be that way for a long time. A torn ACL that requires surgery. The surgery won't be until mid-October, and then there is a 9-month recovery after that.
And I think two things:
1. The Lord is answering my prayer. I have to be selfless, because if I'm not, my family doesn't eat or get dressed or leave the house. I have to be disciplined, because if I'm not, my family doesn't have food to eat, or clean clothes to wear, or gas in the cars. I am suddenly the only capable adult in the home, and as such, "alone time" and sleep must take a back seat to many many other things.
I am grateful that the Lord is refining me and answering my prayers. It's not easy. It's not fun. At times, it doesn't even feel possible. And because of that, I am receiving an unexpected benefit: I need Him. I literally, physically, absolutely, 100% NEED HIM. I'm not sure I have ever been in a place where I literally needed Him every moment of every day. I need His patience and His mercy and His wisdom and His grace and His love and His heart and His eyes. I need Him. And I'm grateful for that.
2. I keep thinking: There is NO WAY I could do this while working 40 hours per week. So once again, I find myself extremely grateful that I got fired. I am in a period of emotional and spiritual expansion. And it's all because I got fired.
The Lord knew what he was doing. He did. I don't know why I ever doubt that. I don't know why I ever think that some ass-hole at the office can ruin God's plans for my life. THIS is God's plan for me.... I see that now (since B's injury) more than ever before.
So this morning, I am humbled. I am grateful. Yesterday was FULL of mistakes. But His mercies are new every morning!!!!!!!!!!
I have some apologies to make to my family (a drug-free yesterday made for a less-than-pleasant mommy). But I'm so very thankful that God never gives up on me, and that I HAVE to rely on Him today.
Thank you, Father God. Thank you.