I found beauty... finally!
I don't think people realize how beautiful they are. Especially girls. We look at magazines and soap operas and all those "ideal" shapes and colors; and we generally think, "Maybe someday.... someday... I'll look like her."
I must admit I myself occasionally fall prey to this suicidal thought-pattern.
All my life I've wondered, "What is beauty?" I've searched for it... longed for it... strived to achieve it. But alas, I feel my efforts were in vain.
But every now and then... once in awhile... maybe once in a lifetime...when something somewhere removes the blinders from our spiritual eyes: we get a chance to peek into someone's soul... to catch a glimpse of beauty in its purest form...
I witnessed just such an event this week, and it blessed me more than I can put into words.
I have to interject here that true beauty is not ONLY within. Oh, no. It's very much an outward, physical thing... this week, I found a definition for beauty because I saw it... on the inside as well as outside.
What is beauty?
Beauty is the phenomenon that occurs when the child that hides in the darkest parts of the soul, is exposed for the first time,through actions, to the light of the outside.
Wow! didn't that sound like a bunch of BS?
Wait a minute! Let me explain.
Twice this week, I saw beauty in this way.
One was with Brandon:
It was a simple enough statement. Nothing I haven't said before. Nothing new or exciting or anything out of the ordinary. Three simple words: "I love you."
I had only said it twenty times that night. Why did those words touch him in such a way now?
He suddenly became a child who saw the sunlight for the first time. He seemed to embrace its warmth and drink in its light as if he must savor every drop in case it suddenly ceased. In his eyes, I saw fear and excitement all at once. His joy spilled over into my soul until I didn't know whether I should laugh or cry. And in that very small instant, he was the most beatiful thing I had ever seen. I suddenly knew beauty. I knew where it came from. I knew how it felt. And I knew it was the most real experience I had ever witnessed. It was amazing... beautifully amazing.
While some people may only witness such a miracle once in their life, and others may never be allowed the opportunity at all; I saw it twice in one week.
I saw it in my friend Nicole. I hadn't seen her in awhile, and I wasn't quite sure what to expect.
There she was, talking on her cell phone... to me... at the station.
She was so different... I didn't know why... I couldn't put my finger on it. She was so beautiful, yet child-like. What was so different? Where was the change? I thought about it the entire time we walked to her grandmother's apartment and then to Underground.
Finally, as we were sitting over our oreo cheese-cake and catching up on our Thanksgiving experiences... I realized what it was.
It was the same expression I had seen on Brandon's face. It shone through her eyes as I had only seen life shine once before....
That child inside herself, who always stared out the window and wondered about the world, has finally stepped out into it... full of fear, disillusionment, and hesitation... but overflowing with a life-loving curiosity that overpowers her doubts.
Sometimes it's sunny, and she seems to love the warmth and question the sun burn. Sometimes it's stormy, and she simply states, "I always wanted to feel the raindrops plop into my palm."
And as that little girl steps into the world and experiences, for the first time, all that life is; that grown lady becomes more and more beatiful.
I feel truly blessed. I saw beauty this week... not from a magazine or a TV show... and not beauty that screams to be acknowleged.
No, I saw true beauty. The beauty of life being not only lived, but also experienced, in an awesome way.
It was... beautiful.