the phone call
So right after I posted my last entry. I called AB. I wanted to spend more time with her this past weekend, but C needed me, and I really wanted to see C too.
So anyway, I called her to tell her about the prophecy. I don't know why... maybe because I feel like my life is so closely entertwined with Starlite, and any momentous thing God does is, ultimately, to achieve His purpose there.
Anywho... I called her and read her a portion of the prophecy. She said, "When I saw you this weekend, I knew something was going on in the spiritual realm. I just wasn't sure what it was. I asked C about it, but she said she thought you were fine. I knew something was up."
She also said she prayed for me for four laps in the pool yesterday. Also, she said that she and HH both have had a very heavy burden for me since before school started. Also, she said the Lord told her that Satan is trying to kill me... not just hurt me... kill me. But God is protecting me from that. She said that she feels like I need to be covered in prayer... in spiritual protection.
I said, "Yes! That is what I prayed for last night. I told God, 'I'm all prayed out. I can't even pray anymore. Wake people up, lay me on their hearts, tell them how to pray for me." And AB said that is what the Lord did, before I even prayed it.
Finally, she asked me in what specific ways Satan has been attacking me. I told her: work, school, self-esteem, relationships. I even told her about the eating thing. Hm. I haven't told anybody about that. I mean, nothing has happened so far. I keep remembering, "Do not be enslaved again by the sins of your past." And so I eat. And I don't throw up. But, what I told her, and what is truth, is that the temptation is stronger now than it has ever been. I mean, I don't even think the longing was this strong when I did have a problem. But I was weaker then, less mature in my walk with God. Still, I cannot seem to shake this urge. It's like an old addiction come back to haunt.
So I told her about that... about the temptation.
She prayed for me, and *man* I really needed that.
I needed the whole conversation. I needed to know that I am not just going crazy. I needed to know that God is telling other people about my battle. I needed to know that this was a real battle, and not just something I was making up in my head.
I'm tired of fighting. But now I know I'm not alone.
And that makes all the difference in the world.