And they lived...
And so that chapter is finally closed.
As AB put it, sometimes the anticipation is worse than the shot.
I didn't cry when I told her bye. I refused.
How could I cry and make her feel bad about where her life is heading? New house. New baby. New job. New life.
What is bad about that? Absolutely nothing. Each is an individual blessing, and I could not allow myself to cry over it.
At least not in front of her.
Even the whole way home, all 4 hours, I just stared at the white lines flashing by, and tried to think about anything but that.
Then I got home and saw my husband. We... you know... and then instead of getting up to go about his nightly tasks (like normal) he lay there for a while.
And I made a decision.
I decided to cry.
I leaned my head over onto his chest and I sobbed - the kind of sobbing where you can't catch your breath, and when you talk, you hiccup every other word.
I haven't cried that hard in a long, long time.
He asked me why I was crying, besides the obvious.
"She's leaving. She's really leaving.
"And I don't think it would be as difficult if she weren't pregnant. Now she can't just jump up and come see me whenever she wants. She'll have a baby!
"But it's not just that... Part of what has strengthened our friendship in the past has been the fact that we are in the same place in life. We were both getting married, and then both newlyweds, and then both buying houses...
"... nut now, we are going two very different places. She is having a baby and starting a family.
"And I am pursuing an agency! I won't have kids for years.
"I knew she was going back to Memphis. I've known since the day we met.
"But somehow, I always thought we would end up in the same town, wherever that was.
"I thought God would tell her to move to Athens. Or He would work out a way for us to live in Memphis.
"But now I realize that this is His will...
"Her babies won't know who I am. They won't recognize me when they see me.
"I thought our kids would grow up together.
"And now they won't even know each other.
"And what if she forgets all about me?"
He listened, and rubbed my back.
I cried a little more.
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And that's that.
I'll see her a couple times a year.
We'll talk and email.
Maybe vacation together.
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The thing is, I've said that before with someone else.
And that didn't happen.
And the friend that I thought I would have forever, I hardly know.
It's my fault as much as hers. I've never been good at long-distance relationships.
Maybe this one will be different.
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Spent Saturday night with AB. We shopped and commiserated some over the loss of our friend.
In the end, we decided not to talk about it.
That proved to be a very difficult task.
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I told J bye. I did cry then. I didn't say anything other than, "I love you!"
I wish I had said more.
"Thank you for always being there. Thank you for allowing me to live in your home. Thank you for being the steady rock in C's life.
"Thank you for what you meant to B. Thank you for who you are.
"Take care of C. Every once in a while, give your child a hug and tell him/her that it is from me.
"Never change."
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And to C... there are no words to describe what I feel towards her.
I won't even try.
Just know this, I have become the person I am today because she loved me.
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*garsh* Stupid tears! I'm at work, garsh darn it!
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Sorry about this entry. I'll update more about the weekend later.