The Baby
B had a dream that I was pregnant.
He said it was weird because he has never had one before, and because he still remembers the details of it. (He had it Monday night, and still remembered everything Tuesday evening.)
He was waiting for me at the hospital along with our families. There was a movie theatre in the hospital, and that is where they were all waiting.
Once I got there (he couldn't remember why he wasn't driving me)they rushed me up to the 15th floor. Only he was allowed to come up.
On the way, he ran into some old highschool friends and was so excited that they came to see us.
Once we got to the 15th floor, they rushed me into the delivery room. But they would not let him in there. He was so angry because they wouldn't let him in!
So he and my family and friends stood in a circle outside of the delivery room and interceded for me. He was especially worried about me having a miscarriage or a c-section.
Then he woke up. He never saw the baby.
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As I heard him telling me about his dream, I couldn't help but think about the dream I had many years ago.
I can't remember if I have ever written about it here. For the sake of new readers, I think I'll write it anyways.
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It was in the beginning of my senior year in highschool, and I had the following dream:
I was in labor in the delivery room. There was no father. It wasn't that the father had left, or I didn't know who he was, or a virgin birth... nothing like that.
It was a simple fact that there was no father.
I remember the pain and agony I went through, for what felt like an eternity, as I labored to deliver this child.
Finally, I pushed the baby out.
But it was stillborn.
I remember looking at the nurse who was holding the body of my lifeless child. I was devestated. I sobbed into my pillow and ground my teeth and screamed. (I learned later that I was actually doing all of this for real because when I woke up, my pillow was soaking wet, and my jaw was sore.)
My family was in the delivery room too. They were all weeping and praying.
Then B walked into the room through the door that was at the foot of my bed.
The nurse turned her back to me in order to place the baby in his arms.
And when she turned around, B was holding my beautiful baby, who was now alive!
He (the baby) had blonde curly hair and big blue eyes, and he giggled and cooed and squirmed in B's arms.
Then I woke up.
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I wondered if the dream was from the Lord, but the interpretation never came.
Until this past spring. C interpreted it.
The baby is a ministry that God has intended for us.
The Lord will allow it to conceive in me, and I will go through the labor and delivery alone.
But the ministry will be nothing without B. The Lord will use him to bring life to the ministry.
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So, considering that, could B's dream also be prophetic?
It's definitely something to think about
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Here is what I'm thinking. And again, it's just thinking. Because I didn't have the dream, I have no way of knowing for sure that it is from the Lord.
I will definitely be praying about it.
But it's interesting to me that in both dreams, I was delivering the baby alone - without B. (In mine, he simply wasn't there, and in his, they wouldn't let him in.)
It's also interesting that our families were there praying and interceding for us - in both dreams.
Perhaps this is the same dream I had, only from B's perspective. Obviously, my dream was from my perspective - what I will go through.
But what if this is the same delivery, from B's perspective - what he will go through.
What if this is the Lord's way of preparing B for the emotions and feelings he will have as this ministry is birthed in me?
Hm.
Food for thought.
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As I'm typing this, I happened to think about something else that the Lord spoke into my life.
Last spring, part of Ms.S's prophecy over me said, "The labor of love will be My labor of love, on your behalf."
I asked the Lord a couple weeks ago what that meant. What is a labor of love?
And now I wonder if it has to do with this ministry - whatever it is.
Giving birth is a labor of love - it's labor (obviously) which is painful and difficult, but it is a labor of love, becuase the outcome will be somebody that you will love more than your own life.
According to the prophecy, though I will be going through the delivery alone, He (God) will be the one actually laboring for it.
Hm.
Once again, something to think about.
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This entire conversation came about as a result of some decisions that I was talking with B about.
I want to change majors from Poli. Sci. to Risk Management and Insurance.
But as I was looking at making the change, I realized that I would not be able to graduate until December of 2008.
However, if I finished my undergrad in Poli. Sci. and pursued an MBA in Risk Management, I would graduate May of 2009.
One semester more, and I could have a masters instead of just a bachelors.
So I told B this was what I wanted to do.
May of 2009, I will be 25.
That gives me two years to get my own agency.
We can start having kids at 27.
That's a good age, I think.
My mom had me at 27, and she said she's glad. She was ready to be a mom by then, and she was mature enough to appreciate my baby years.
So I thought this was a terrific plan!
B didn't think so.
He got really quiet and stared at his text book.
"What's wrong?" I asked.
"When are we going to have kids?" He responded.
Then he told me about his dream.
He said he wants to start trying in two years, at the latest.
He would love to start before then, but he will still be in school.
I don't know what I want.
I know that the only time I want a baby is when I think there is a possibility that I might be pregnant (a couple days every month).
I know that I really want a career every other day of the month.
I know that, financially, it will be better for us to wait to have a baby. If we have one in two years, I would have two choices: leave the baby with a sitter and come back to my 8 to 5 job, five days a week. Or quit work for a few years, which would put my entire plan for having an agency on hold - potentially forever.
But if we wait until I have an agency, I can bring the baby to work with me, work the hours I need to, possibly from my home. As long as I keep our sales up, nobody will complain.
Do you see how much easier it will be?
I asked B if he thinks we could live off a teacher's salary.
He said, "Do you realize that I will be making three times what we are making now? I think we'll manage."
He's right.
But it's not just about that. Do I want to give up my career so that he can be a "young dad"?
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And perhaps this is what the Lord has been trying to show me over the last couple weeks.
People are what matter.
In the end, the love of family is what keeps you warm at night and gives you a peaceful old age.
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My grandmother could have done so much. She could have been so much more.
Intellegent. Strong-willed. Determined. Full of common sense. Ambitious. Hard working.
She could have been somebody.
But instead, she chose the life of a preacher's wife. She chose to have five kids and live out her days within the confines of a housewife's world.
Today if you ask her about it, she lights up and says, "Sometimes my heart feels so full, I think it might explode. It just pours out of me. I have had a good life. I have a blessed family. God has been good to me."
She has no regrets.
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So perhaps, in the end, nobody will care if I had a career or not. What will matter is the children I have, the ministry the Lord births in me, and people I love and am loved by.
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In the last 5 days, three people have asked me if I was pregnant.
What the heck?!
Oh well... in God's timing.