New Years
Things are very different right now.
It's a new experience for me... spiritually, I suppose.
The weekend was so very busy that I did not have time to think about everything that's going on in my body.
I suppose I'll start off talking about New Year's Eve/Day.
We went to a party Saturday night. I half expected us to leave before midnight because of the drinking and such... but everybody (well... most everybody) was very responsible and respectful of those of us who chose not to drink.
So we played games and played with fireworks and talked and laughed... it was one of the funnest (is that a word?) parties I think I've ever been to.
By 3am, a lot of the people had already gone to bed. Some left to do some heavier drinking. The rest went to the basement to play video games.
And there were four of us left in the living room. Me, Jen, BJ, and Er (never previously mentioned).
What started as a political debate quickly turned into New Year's Resolutions... and the spiritual goals for 2006... and finally, a prayer time.
We started off just praying randomly about whatever the Spirit brought to our attention. But then we decided that each of us needed individual prayer from the others. We took turns sitting in the middle of the group and being prayed for.
It was really amazing for me because it was the first time the Holy Spirit has given me prophetic insight to speak forth in a group that large.
In the past (meaning in the last 3-4 months as this gift has been in development in me) He may give me a word for one individual. The first one was BJ, which I wrote in a letter because I was so nervous about saying it. The second and third ones were for Jen as we were having a prayer time together.
But never have I been in a group setting where the Lord told me to speak something over somebody.
Er was up first. The Lord gave me a picture of his life. It was really challenging because it was...ummm... I can't think of how to say it.
Basically, the Lord showed me a glow worm that had been cut into several pieces and cast into different places. Each individual piece gave a little light, but not enough to make a difference. But the worm as a whole was a great light that lit the way for many. The Spirit shoed me that Er's passions and desires are divided. But that if he would focus his desires soley on the Lord, he would be an incredible light, leading people to Christ.
So, you see? It wasn't exactly a positive thing. But, it did encourage him, he said later.
Anyways... BJ was up next. His prayer request was that he would be able to see himself the way God saw him. He sometimes feel like he doesn't know God's love.
This was so cool because, for weeks now, every time I see BJ, the Spirit speaks to me. The last two times I have heard him speak, the Holy Spirit has said to me "That is My heart." I told that to BJ, as well as the fact that I feel the Spirit smile every time I am around BJ. God is pleased with him, and he has God's heart.
Then, during the prayer time, the Holy Spirit gave me the verse, "Submit to the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart." "BJ, the Lord says you have submitted, and you have His heart. The desires you have ARE from the Lord, and He has placed them there." I went on to pray that, since BJ has God's heart, he would also be able to see through God's eyes as he sees himself. I also prayed that God would place people around him that would act as spiritual mirrors, reflecting back to him the way they see him and the way he is spiritually.
Next, Jen was up. This was my favorite word, and the main reason I wanted Jen with me on Monday (I'll talk about this later).
As I started praying, I said, "Lord, I love Jen. She makes me so happy. I just want to bundle her up and put her in my pocket so I can pull her out when I'm sad." And as I finished saying that, I heard the Spirit say, "Me too." Then I realized what a special relationship Jen has with the Lord. And I spoke all this over her... She makes the Lord happy when He is sad. I have never understood what it meant to minister to the Lord. I also understood what it meant to be a handmaiden of God. Her created purpose is to worship and love the Lord. She was truly created to worship. Also, she shouldn't worry about her job... because no matter where she is, whether it's in an elementary school teaching or on a stage in front of thousands of people, her JOB... that she was created to do... is worship. If she will continue that job, the Lord will place her where she needs to go.
Finally, it was my turn. I told them about my physical needs, as far as having a baby and all that...
As they all leaned in and put their hands on me to pray... there was such an amazing power in that place. I can't even describe it. I actually started trembling it was so powerful. God's Spirit was there in such a physical way... I don't think I've ever experienced power like that.
Er prayed first. He said he couldn't believe it when I said that there was a chance of us not having kids because B and I would be the most incredible parents in the world. Then he prayed for my healing and God's timing.
Then BJ prayed. The only thing I remember is that he said I will never know how many people I have touched. I remember that because I remember thinking, "Man, I hope that's true. I don't feel like I'm touching anybody's life right now."
Then Jen prayed. As always, amazing.
...
Sunday, we went to my dad's house. It was fun, but since we had not gotten in the bed until after 6am that morning, B and I were both exhausted.
L, my 9-month-old nephew, was also tired and fussy. The three of us went to lay down in the guest bedroom, and we all fell asleep. I laid there on my back with B's arm supporting my neck and L sound asleep on top of me. It was the sweetest moment.
Then we got up, went home, and just hung out around the house the rest of the evening.
...
Then Monday came.
I woke up thinking about it... my ovaries and all that.
The weekend had been so busy, I really didn't have time to process things.
I didn't want to lay in bed thinking about it all morning; so I jumped up and went about my housework. But cleaning took longer than normal.
I was tired.
I could feel discouragement and depression pressing in.
I was having really bad cramps, even though I was not on my period.
I just wanted to sleep the day away.
But I turned on my worship CD and continued cleaning.
Then Jen called. She wanted to come over.
I was so very relieved. I needed her there.
Through that entire morning, I continued to feel the Spirit telling me to worship... to be in a constant place of worship.
I feel like Jen does this all the time. I see her differently since the New Year's Eve word. I see that her worship gives her direct access to the throne of God and also works as her most powerful weapon against what life may throw.
So I knew I needed her that day. I knew that the Spirit was calling me to walk in worship, despite how I was feeling. And nobody that I know does this better than Jen.
It was a good day.
However, that night, I had a restless sleep. There was definitely a spiritual battle going on.
Throughout the night, I would wake up with a worship song blaring like a car stereo in my head. All through the night, I woke up several times in the middle of worship... like my soul was worshipping despite my body's being asleep.
Then around 5am (I think), the mirror that hangs on the wall next to our bed... fell. It fell in such a way that it made a VERY loud BANG and that it unplugged the fan, immediately cutting it off.
It woke both me and B up. I thought we had been struck by lightning.
It only took a matter of seconds for B to realize what had happened, but it was enough to startle me awake. A just said, "Jesus. Jesus. Jesus."
Then the prophecy came back to my mind, "Satan will continually set off false alarms to keep us in unrest."
And so I knew it was Satan. And I knew why I had been waking up in worship.
It was spiritual warfare.
Then, when I checked my email yesterday, I received a word about warfare through worship.
Basically, it said that warfare is not just about removing Satan; it's about displacing him... replacing him. He was a worshipper in Heaven, and he was cast down because of his pride. Then we were created... to fellowship with and worship God.
So speaking and commanding Satan out is not enough. We must displace... replace... him in the Heavenlies with our worship. That is how we will strip him of his power.
And that is what was happening that night; although I did not recognize it then.
...
Then yesterday, I was EXHAUSTED because of the restless sleep. I slept until 11am and then laid on the couch until 1:30pm. Jen called to see if she could come over.
Honestly, I felt like being alone and sleeping. But I could still feel the impending funk of discouragement and depression. And knowing how easily I slip into that funk, I knew I needed Jen there to help me stay afloat.
She came, we watched Hillsong worship and cleaned house.
Then we watched a movie.
B came home; she left; we watched another movie.
It was a really relaxing evening.
...
So, now you're all caught up. I'm back at work today. Things are moving fairly steadily here.
AB called yesterday to tell me SL is going to Knoxville. I'm so excited... but a little nervous. That's one step closer to Athens, and still, I feel so very unprepared. Hm.
C called too. I really miss her. I want SO badly to go on the SL retreat. But there is no way. I just can't.
I really wanted to ask AB to have the retreat here...
oh well. Maybe another time.
So, that's all I can think of for now. I'll probably post again before the day is over.
Happy belated New Years, everybody!