I will live to love You
I'm in pain today.
Midol helps some.
I don't think I'm supposed to be in pain because of this thing.
Tried to call the doctor, but they are gone.
"And You calm the raging sea."
"And you calm the storms in me again."
"All I know is I find rest in you."
My hormones are RAGING. I got angry with B last night, and when he asked me why, I told him some little stuff that was bothering me... but, ultimately, we both knew it was my hormones.
Hopefully, tonight will be good.
I just called the doctor and left a message for a nurse to call me back. Call me a hypocondriac (sp?) but I just want to make sure that this pain isn't something more serious.
*sigh*
Life.
*hmph*
School starts back next week, and the thought of it seems so very overwhelming.
...Especially if we have to have kids asap. That means I get NO break this year. 12-month school. Blah. Blah. Blah. Blah. *cry*
Oh well. God is still God. And He is good.
I was alone yesterday all day.
I finally did some excersize. It felt good.
Doing well on my eating.
Life is fairly dull right now.
Starting next week, I will have lots to talk about. Life will start again.
Right now, I am doing well just to get up in the morning.
Tired all the time. Still in pain.
*garsh*
Sorry for the whining. I guess I'm just letting you know why my entries have slacked off a bit...
I'm sure after I get my results back, I'll write more...
...But that's all I can think about right now.
... that, and worship.
I have to worship.
When I pray about it, God says, "Stay in worship."
So I do.
And I will.
But I need prayer.
I need someone to uplift me.
I need something to be about ME.
Selfish?
I know.
I'm sorry.
Everybody has problems.
Everybody has LIFE happening.
I know.
I know.
It would just be nice for someone to hold me and let me cry.
B would do it, if I asked. But somehow, that doesn't seem fair. This is happening to him too... It is affecting his future too... How is it fair to expect him to hold me up?
No.
I need something else.
And I suppose that's where the worship comes in.
I can only truly rely on the Lord.
I find it hard to talk with Him about it, though. I feel like I should pretend it's not happening when I pray. I don't have the strength to pray for healing. I need someone else to do that.
All I can do is let Him hold me. That's it. That's all I have strength for.
Honestly, though. More than anything, I need a WORD from the Lord. I need Ms.Sheilagh.
But...
I won't be there this semester.
And maybe that's what all this is about...
...so that I don't rely on another to hear from the Lord.
But..
...sometimes...
...even when I hear from the Lord myself, I NEED someone else to confirm it.
Does that make sense?
No.
Sorry.
I'm rambling.
I know.
*garsh*
I wish the doctor would call me back.
It's been over an hour now.
Hm.
I s'pose they're busy today.
Okay. I'm going to go.
"The greatest love that anyone could ever know - it overcame the cross and grave to find my soul."
"I'll trust in you..."
"I will live to love you. I will live to give you praise. I will live, a child in awe of you."