A Long Lost Friend
So I'm a little hurt right now.
A friend of mine... or former friend... or whatever... from a REALLY long time ago... is here.
Yeah, in Athens.
We were friends from 7th grade on.
She thought I was weird, and WAY too talkative in the beginning.
I was just glad to have someone to listen.
We were band nerds.
Her on the clarinet.
Me on the flute.
I convinced her to write a letter to her crush (a sophomore!... we were 8th grade).
We had code names for everybody.
She was the one who made the comment about B... the one that changed everything.
"Ya know, through all these other guys, B has always been there."
Does she know she's probably the reason I'm married to him today?
Probably not.
Anyways, she moved to a different school our senior year.
I never quite understood why.
Hm.
Then she had problems at home... and with this town, I suppose.
And she found another family
Which led her to Florida
Where she has been for years now.
We have seen each other a couple times since then.
I met her in Atlanta once, at her grandmother's place (I think).
I rode the subway... at night... by myself. Scared the crap out of this little sheltered girl!
But I wanted to see her.
She was the reason I started the journal.
So we could keep up with each other's lives.
I saw her again when she came to Athens.
We had coffee.
It was kind of awkward.
For me, it was the first time I had ever been awkward around her.
But something had changed.
And I can't quite put my finger on it.
We had always said we would be friends.
There was a time when I cried at the thought of not having her in my life.
And then, as if overnight, something drastically changed.
She promised to be at my wedding.
But then she called
The night before
While I was getting ready for my rehearsal dinner
To tell me her car broke down
And she couldn't make it.
I don't blame her, AT ALL.
I realize that things happen.
But I was already so emotional
So scared
So in need of an old friend
That I couldn't face talking to her about it.
I knew I would cry.
I knew it would make her feel worse.
And so I just didn't answer
The second call
Or the third
Or the fourth.
I just couldn't handle it at that point.
Immature?
Sure.
Rude?
Probably.
Understandable?
Hopefully.
But then I never thought of a good enough excuse to call her back.
I think I tried, once.
I think her dad answered the phone.
I barely remember.
That whole time in my life is a bit of a blurr.
And I couldn't work up the courage to call again.
But I read her diary.
Daily.
Stalkerish?
Unintentionally.
I thought maybe she read mine.
But maybe not now.
And so here she is
A few miles away.
At a coffee shop that is less than 5 miles from my house.
And I wouldn't have even known she was here
Except for her diary
Which I'm not even sure I'm supposed to be reading now.
And she hasn't called.
She has called others.
Maybe others that have meant more to her.
But the others haven't said anything to me either.
And so now I am not sure what to do.
Is she waiting for me?
Or am I to wait for her?
Or has she forgotten completely?
Perhaps she has.
And perhaps I should too.
I never made it to Florida to see her.
I feel bad about that.
So why should it hurt that she didn't come to Athens to see me?
It shouldn't.
I'm being a baby.
Athens is no longer home for her.
And I understand how that feels.
It's just a bit of a reality check.
And immediately, I think of C.
Which I know I shouldn't.
But she is the same number of hours away.
And I feel the same about her as I did about N years ago.
And sometimes that's just what happens.
Hm.
Not this time.
I won't lose another friend this way.
I won't.
I won't.
Tonight will be interesting.
She is a few miles from my house.
I will be home with B.
And we will miss this opportunity.
And that is life.
That is life.
Hm