A late night entry
It's 11:51pm, and the football game is roaring in the background.
I don't know who's playing.
I don't care.
So don't ask.
B, CJ, and I went to youth group tonight to honor our Jr.High pastor (who is also Brandon's close friend and best man at our wedding) because this is the last night he will have at COTN. He doesn't know where he is headed, but he knows that he is not supposed to be there.
There are quite a few people at COTN who are leaving for another church or dropping out of church altogether. The ones who remain see what is happening, and I hear them complaining a lot.
I feel bad for leaving because it is where B and I met and grew up together. We certainly have a support group there.
But, like BJ (the guy we honored tonight) we realize that it is time for us to move on.
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The longer I wait on this house thing, the more scared I get. I really feel like I need some confirmation before I go making an idiot of myself.
I just need to pray about it some more.
Or maybe not. Maybe I just need to do it and stop procrastinating.
I could really use some encouragement and words of wisdom right now.
I don't know. I'm just so scared of being disappointed again.
But SS said something today that really got my attention: "Don't put your faith in what God does, because you will never be able to figure that out. Put your faith in who God is because THAT will never change."
True that.
I drove by the house in daylight today. It needs a paint job, but other than that, it is beautiful!!!
I think I will just bite the bullet and call RR (the real estate agent) in the morning. I will tell him what the Lord told me, and I will ask him to take me to show the house.
I'm just not sure when I can do it. I mean, I have CJ every morning, and this Saturday is packed. I don't want to ask him to do it on Sunday. So I guess it will have to be a week from this Saturday. That will give him pleny of time to arrange for me to go see it. Maybe B will come with me too.
I've been a bit discouraged about B's lack of involvement (and excitement) about this whole thing. It's not that he has been negative or a nay-sayer. It's simply that he says, "Yeah, YOU should go look at the house." or "YOU should call RR in the morning."
But then I remember the dream I had about the baby....
Recap:
I had a baby without a daddy. It was stillborn, but when the nurse handed it to B, it came to life.
The dream represents a ministry that the Lord will birth in me. The labor pains and delivery will be mine alone, but the Lord will use B to bring life to the ministry.
And when I think about this dream, I remember that I am basically alone in the foundation of this ministry (if this, in fact, is the one the Lord was showing me). I mean, I'm not REALLY alone, I realize that. But I don't have B's full enthusiasm. That just makes this all that much more difficult.
Anyways. I think I'm going to go spend some time with the Lord now.
I need a peace about this.
And somehow, I know that this peace will come as soon as I take that first step in obedience...
Gosh. I just wish I could get a really clear-cut sign or verbal confirmation.
But, alas, "Oh wicked generation that asks for sign and wonders."
Okay. I'm gone.
Goodnight all.