Day 11
Sunday, 01/21/2007, Day 11:
What I wouldn't give for a hamburger and a big ol' bowl of cereal! While I am learning to appreciate fruits and veggies more... and that I don't HAVE to have meat and bread and sugar EVERY day... *gosh* I am TOTALLY CRAVING IT ALL!
I do, however, have an AMAZING PRAISE REPORT that I forgot to mention yesterday:
For the first time since before I got married (almost 3 years ago) I had a normal "cycle" this month!
I started Friday, exactly 29 days after my last one started... and it has been a heavy flow!!!
This may be TMI, but I am just SO excited!
Like I said, it has been three years since this has happened! Before, I was always late, or even skipping months, and when I did finally have one, it only lasted 2-3 days and was hardly even worth mentioning. It was just last December (2005) that I found out it was all because of PCOS.
For those of you who don't remember, the doctor told me that one of my ovaries was completely shut down, and the other one would be well on its way within the next six months or so...
Then I was prayed for on New Years Eve... got pregnant seven days later... and had a beautiful healthy little girl in Sept. 2006.
But even throughout the pregnancy, I wondered, "What EXACTLY was the miracle the Lord performed? Did he miraculously give me a baby, despite the PCOS? Or did he actually HEAL me of the PCOS, thereby allowing me to get pregnant?"
Now... THIS cycle has been COMPLETELY NORMAL!
So I'm believing more and more that He actually healed me!
I am scheduling a doctor's appt. tomorrow morning so I can get an ultrasound to find out. I really do believe that I am healed, but I want to see the proof before I go around telling everybody what the Lord has done.
(Which is actualy Biblical... Jesus told the healed Leper to go to the temple to be declared "clean" before he did anything else....)
So I'm really excited to see what the doctor has to say!!!!
........
I went to my granddaddy's church in Jefferson this morning, and had an AMAZING time in worship. There were two worship songs that really spoke to me...
The lyrics to the first one are:
"I will bless the Lord forever
I will trust Him at all times
He has delivered me from all fear
He has set my feet upon a rock
And I will not be moved, and I'll say of the Lord
You are my Shield, my Strength
My Portion, Deliverer
My Shelter, Strong Tower
My very present help in time of need
Whom have I in heaven but You
There's none I desire besides You
And You have made me glad
And I'll say of the Lord
You are my Shield, my Strength
My Portion, Deliverer
My Shelter, Strong Tower
My very present help
You are my Shield, my Strength
My Portion, Deliverer
My Shelter, Strong Tower
My very present help in time of need
My very present help in time of need
My very present help in time of need "
It's by Hillsong, and I absolutely LOVED it.
But the second one REALLY moved me. I couldn't even sing. All I could do was stand there and listen and cry... God knew my heart...
AND NOW I CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER THE LYRICS!!!
*gosh*
Maybe they will come to me in the middle of the night tonight...
Anyways, it was really good. Mark Rutledge was the guest preacher this morning, and it was SO GOOD.
He talked about Grace, quoting John Wesley who said, "Any time you see the words "the Holy Spirit" in the Bible, you can substitute Grace. And any time you see Grace, you can substitute the words "The Holy Spirit."
I can't even begin to express the relief it brought me.
He talked "moving mountains" and used the scripture in Zacharia 4:
"6 So he said to me, "This is the word of the LORD to Zerubbabel: 'Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit,' says the LORD Almighty.
7 "What are you, O mighty mountain? Before Zerubbabel you will become level ground. Then he will bring out the capstone to shouts of 'God bless it! God bless it!' "
8 Then the word of the LORD came to me: 9 "The hands of Zerubbabel have laid the foundation of this temple; his hands will also complete it. Then you will know that the LORD Almighty has sent me to you."
He said Zerubbabel is the Old Testament representation of Jesus Christ.
And he gave this picture of Grace:
There is a mountain that separates me from God. And this scripture proclaims that Jesus will flatten that mountain and build a temple there in it's place. And what did a temple represent in the Old Testament? The place where people came to meet with God!
And the preacher said that this mountain is not a one-time "salvation" thing. That while salvation did require an act of Grace, we also face things in our every-day lives that are "mountains" between us and God.
So, basically, the passage can be loosely interpretted like this:
"6. This is what God has said to you through Jesus, "Not because of anything you have done, but because I have grace...
7. I will flatten the mountain that separates me and you...
8. And I will put a temple in its place where I can finally reach you, and we can have an intimate meeting."
Then he finished with this...
The world tells us the mountains are okay to remain.
The legalistic Christians say that we just have to work hard enough at chipping away the mountain, and it will eventually be gone.
But after I am finished ignoring it, and trying to move it myself... once I have reached that place of utter frustration and helplessness... I yell out over the mountain to Jesus... "I QUIT!!!!"
And... though I expect disappointment and anger coming from the Lord, instead I hear... "GOOD, I'VE BEEN WAITING TO HEAR YOU SAY THAT!"
Becuase THEN and ONLY THEN, can God turn that mountain into a place of intimacy... by using His GRACE.
And what an amazing thought! That those places where I have felt the most failure... the places where I continually struggle and strive... the places where I can't EVER seem to get it right... the mountains that separate me from God... HE promises will become places of DEEP INTIMACY WITH HIM!!!! And not because I have done something to change it... but because He has Grace on me.
And the funny thing about this whole sermon, is that I have felt over the last week or so, that the Lord has been subtly teaching me about Grace.
When I prayed about all that I want done in my house... and how I feel like I am SUPPOSED to have it done by June... but how I can't see how it could POSSIBLY be done by the end of the year, much less June... the Lord spoke to me, "I will give you an extra measure of Grace to complete the task in the time I have allotted."
And when I begin to feel like a failure at something... I find myself whispering a quiet prayer for Grace... something I can't remember ever praying about before.
And when I eat something that (I find out later) has corn starch or some other thing in it that I am not suppose to eat... I hear myself saying, "I'm glad the Lord has Grace."
And all along, I'm not even sure I knew what Grace was!!
.........
As much as I'm missing some yummy food... I feel like I am hearing from the Lord in such an amazing way during this fast!... in a way I have never heard Him before.
I feel renewed and refreshed.
The previous feeling of burn-out and frustration seems to fade more and more with each day...
... and it makes me wonder if I should continue the fast longer than the 21 days.
I only have 10 days left, and while my physical body is LONGING for some Frosted Mini Wheats... my spirit feels like it is finally receiving the nourishment it has been missing for SO MANY YEARS.
A lady at my work is continuing the fast for 40 days... and maybe I will too...
I will have to pray about it. And I may change my mind as the fast comes to a close. But we'll see...
We'll see...
Well, ladies and gentlemen, it is 10:45pm, and I have quite a bit of stuff to do before bed.
So I will say goodnight.
Goodnight.