Captivating
Saturday, 01/20/2007, Day 10?
I'm reading "Captivating" by John & Staci Eldredge (for the third time). Every time I read it, there are so many things that the Lord reveals to me in a new way. This book has been such a blessing to me!
This morning I had such incredible breakthrough...
Here are a few of the things that I really learned this morning, and that I don't want to forget:
"Wild at Heart" says that every man wants a battle to fight and a beauty to rescue.
Until this morning, I wasn't sure I agreed with that, at least, where my husband was concerned. I have talked with him about it before, and his response is "Nah... I don't like to fight."
On a completely unrelated note (or so I thought) Captivating talks a lot about how every woman has (or has a desire to have) a beauty to unveil. But I'm not really sure I realized what that meant until this morning...
In chapter two, on page 38:
"And what does beauty say to us? Think of what it is like to be caught in traffic for more than an hour. Horns blaring, people shouting obscenities. Exhaust pouring in your windows, suffocating you. then remember what it's like to come into a beautiful place, a garden or a meadow or a quiet beach. There is room for you soul. It expands. You can breathe again. You can rest. It is good. All is well. I sit outside on a summer evening and just listen and behold and drink it all in, and my heart begins to quiet and peace begins to come into my soul. My heart tells me taht 'All will be well,' as Julian of Norwich concluded. 'And all manner of things will be well.'
"That is what beaty says, 'All shall be well.'
"And this is what it's like to be with a woman at rest, a woman comfortable in her feminine beauty. She is enjoyable to be with. She is lovely. In her presence your heart stops holding its breath. You relax and believe once again that all will be well. And this is also why a woman who is striving is so disturbing, for a woman who is not at rest in her heart says to the world, 'All is not well. Things are not going to turn out all right'....
"We NEED what Beauty speaks. What it says is hard to put into words. But part of its message is that all is well. All will be well."
............
Later on page 40, they write:
"Sometimes the beauty is so deep it pierces us with longing. For what? for life as it was meant to be. Beauty reminds us of an Eden we have never known, but somhow know our hearts were created for. Beauty speaks of heaven to come, when all shall be beautiful. It haunts us with eternity. Beauty says, 'There is glory calling you.' And if there is a glory, there is a source of glory.... Beauty draws us to God."
.............
Gosh. As I read this, I thought about the mountain cabin that we went to on the SL retreat. About how serene it was. And how it really did fill me with a slight sadness and sense of longing that I didn't understand.
Now I do.
But that thought lead me to an earlier statement that Staci makes: That Eve was the pinnacle of creation, the most complex and beautiful of all creation.
So if a scene in nature can inspire so much peace and simultaneous longing, then why doesn't a godly woman do the same?
And that made me think even more about the question that has been haunting me since reading "Wild at Heart": What if the reason B doesn't want to "fight" is because I am not beautiful to enough to fight for?
But... Lord, help me say this right... this morning changed that completely!
I thought about all the reasons that I am not (or have not been) at peace... messy house, bad diet, lack of sleep, etc.
Then I thought about all the reasons that I have those things in my life... stress. I eat lots of junk because it comforts me; I don't sleep because I worry so much; and I don't clean my house enough because I'm exhausted from the bad diet and lack of sleep.
And what am I stressed about? Finances. B's schooling. B's jobs. Our cars. Repairs that need to be done to the house.
And as I was thinking about all these things, the Lord simply whispered, "You are trying to fight B's battles."
*lightbulb*
What a revelation!
The reason all these things are stressing me out is because they are not my battles to fight!
That thought gave me such a sense of release... of relief... of freedom!
And so, in all his battles, what IS my role?
To be the "life sustainer." To let my beauty (and the peace and longing that beauty entails)give him a place to rest from the battle.
Sure, I have my own battles, but those are ones chosen especially for me. I don't have to worry about fighting someone else's battles now.
And somehow, knowing that he IS fighting for me, makes it easier for me to accept my role... to embrace it!
Gosh, I know I've said it before, but this is such a HUGE breakthrough for me! I feel like a weight has been lifted!
I just needed to write it down before I forgot it all.