Couseling 2
Had my second counseling appointment yesterday.
It lasted two hours.
And it was REALLY HARD.
I don't really want to talk about it here.
But I will say this, the way I am praying has got to change.
I'm desperate.
And, honestly, I haven't prayed enough about this situation.
I may have mentioned it to the Lord in passing.
But, mostly, I ignore the issues at hand.
Yesterday opened my eyes and helped me realize that I am not crazy.
I am not an over-emotional irrational beeeeeotch.
My reactions are normal. Typical. Understandable.
That doesn't make them right.
But, at least I know I'm not crazy.
And that in and of itself shows me that it's okay for me to pray for the changes I desire.
Changes in myself.
Changes in B.
Changes in how we communicate.
Changes in the amount of communication.
Changes in our priorities.
Changes in our attitudes towards each other.
Changes in our thinking.
All those things are okay to ask for.
It's a bittersweet realization. Somehow, it was almost easier to ignore those things and tell myself I'm crazy. It's easier to pretend that it's not us, it's just me. Because I can change me.
On the other hand, it's nice for somebody to finally validate what I've been saying for months: This isn't working.
And now that I know it's not just me being psychotic, I feel a release and a freedom and even a pressure to pray more fervently for those things.
I know I'm being vague.
But I don't think I can put into writing what happened yesterday.
It hasn't made it easier.
It may have made things more difficult.
But at least it's a change.
And that's got to be better.
Because we all know that the status quo isn't working.
............................
In other news, B and I may finally be ready to change churches.
I am teaching in youth tonight.
And I think it might be my last night.
As I was praying about our "situation" last night, I finally felt a release from that group. For months, they have felt like my children.
And now, they are just another youth group.
That sounds harsh, I know. But I really think the Lord is releasing me from that burden, at least for a season.
B and I are going to start going to church together on Wednesday nights. We are going to sit together and hear the Word of God.
We would love to find a young married couple's class somewhere in town.
I'm not even sure if we will be going to NCWC because we really want to find a church that has something for us as a couple. NCWC doesn't really have anything targeted at our age group besides the college and career class. And I think we have enough single friends. That's part of our problem. We probably have too many.
So.
That's that.
I suppose we'll start looking as soon as we get back from our vacations.
Speaking of which....
51 HOURS UNTIL THE BAHAMAS!!!
*WOOOOOOOOOT!!!!*