Day 2: my weight loss goal.
So, today is June 2.
June 1 marked day one of my grand weight-loss adventure.
Even though I have been almost completely sedentary since the birth of M, I have been careful about my calorie intake, and I am happy to announce that, as of today, I am three pounds below my pre-pregnancy weight.
If you remember, I started out (before Dr.Z) almost exactly 140 lbs. overweight.
After one month on his diet and hormone supplements, I lost 20 lbs.
Then I got pregnant.
Through the pregnancy, I gained a total of 12 lbs (6 of which were gained in the last month). I was 6 lbs over pre-pregnancy weight when I arrived home from the hospital, and now that the swelling and water-retention has gone down, I am 3 lbs. under my pre-pregnancy weight.
So, basically, as of June 1, I need to loses 120 lbs. I have set a 12-month goal for that weight.
One year from now, one of my dearest friends is getting married, and I have been asked to be a bridesmaid in her wedding. Looking at her list of uber-skinny bridesmaids, I think I probably weigh more than two of them combined right now.
But let's not dwell on that.
Let's dwell on the fact that, thanks to Dr.Z's miracle hormone-fix, I am actually ABLE to lose weight. For the first time in five and a half years, I can realistically expect to lose 10 lbs a month (2.33 lbs a week).
This makes me very happy.
I know it will be work. I have already started a post-natal workout video which I do daily. And I have been mapping out walking routes for when I am fully recovered. Also, I bought "30 Day Shred" which I intend to do when the weather is too hot or too rainy (like during Monsoon season).
I cannot tell you how amazing it feels to have hope restored to this area again.
Before going to Dr.Z, I had completely giving up on every feeling beautiful or sexy again. I hated it. I hated the feeling of hopelessness. I hated knowing that my husband would not be able to really enjoy the wife of his youth. I hated that my children would not know what it was like to have a healthy, active mom. I hated that I had to force myself to look in the mirror and hope that the makeup and loose-fitting clothes would mask my morbid obesity.
I hated being fat, but worse than that, I hated that I could not change that.
But then, after a month with Dr.Z, I suddenly felt that hope restored. All through the pregnancy, when I would look in the mirror and grimace at the fat rolls on my back, I would say, "Just a few more months. Just a few more months."
And now, those few more months are up, and I can get started on losing weight again.
But now, now I have realistic hope.
Maybe 120lbs is too much to lose in a year, but it's a healthy goal for me.
And for now, it's enough to have my hope back.
It's enough to know that, whether it's 20 lbs or 120 lbs, in a few months I will be me again. I won't be that fun sexy mama who is trapped inside a death-trap fat suit any longer.
I'll look like me. I'll feel like me.
That's an amazing thing to hope for after five and a half years.
I'm very excited.