A Big God
I can't read other diaries any more. They break my heart. Over the last week or so, the Holy Spirit has been revealing to me how He sees people. Just reading the diaries of the people makes me want to cry. They long so much for something they cannot identify. They search for it in men, in money, in nature, in adventure, in friendship. They have no identity except what the world gives them. And for so many, the world screams, "You are worthless! Only your possessions, your relationships, your adventures give you worth! On your own, you are nothing!"
Oh God! How your heart must break every day. How you must ache to pull them in... just to love them... to give them worth... to show them their worth. They are so precious to you. I'm so sorry for the pain you endure. I have only a glimpse into their lives, and it saddens me so. You see it all, and you know how to make it better. But they won't let you. God! Open their eyes! Show me how to show them!
Another thing that He has shown me over the last week is how he sees the kids at church...
You have to understand. We have these youth group kids that come in. They come from awful backgrounds, and have no clue how to "behave" in church. They are disrespectful; they fight; they talk back; they never listen to the service; they cause trouble.... all the time.
I get so frustrated with them (as do many of the youth workers). I want to scream, "Why can't you just listen! Just sit still and listen!" It infuriates me.
So last Wednesday night was our youth groups, "Blitz." Basically, a night where we push for more visitors to come. We set up games, moon walks, pizza, and all sorts of fun stuff to attract new kids. Then we "deliver the salvation message."
I was on my way to Blitz, and I was praying for the kids that were coming.
Suddenly, I saw a picture of how God sees these kids... my God! It was heartbreaking!
You know those commercials you see on TV with the kids in 3rd-world countries - bloated stomachs, pencil-thin arms and legs, desperately hollow eyes - that is how these "church" kids look to God.
"They are starving," He said. "They are starving for me, and my love, and my acceptance."
I said, "Why, Lord? Why, if they are so hungry, do they not listen? Why don't they seek you?"
The reply: "They don't know what they are hungry for. So they eat the dirt to try to fill their stomachs. And it's poisening them."
"Oh God! If I could touch only one!"
"No, I want you to touch all of them."
"That's a big task."
"I am a big God."