B-e-a-utiful
I was just reading some old entries.
Freshmen year. So beautiful. So very beautiful.
I can still remember the smell of the dorm room-and all its girliness. And the feeling of sitting at the computer typing... wishing for tomorrow. The fish bowls behind me, the bed over me, C in all her "lilac" lying on her bed, hearing A talk on the phone in her Alabama accent, the whir of the bathroom fan, "You Are Beautiful" coming from the CD player, and a pang of longing for tomorrow.
Only now, that tomorrow is today. And it is not as I wished. Not better or worse, just not as I wished. So normal.
Where do dreams go? I had such a beautiful view of the future - so full of beauty. In that future, everything was enlightened, making sense. Everything just fit. It was... beautiful.
But today, which was that future, everything is so normal, so mundane, so plain.
And today's tomorrow is more of the same. I see the Lord working, but in a much more practical, pragmatic way. No beauty in today's future.
But I would change nothing. I have matured. And now I see that the beauty I long for cannot be found in the future. It cannot be seen in a change of surroundings or circumstances.
It is in people, in God shining through people. So, though my future may not be beautiful, the people in that future will be. That is what I have to look forward to.
I want to go back to that little girl typing on her dorm computer. I want to be there, knowing what I know now, and say, "Enjoy the people. Focus on them. That is where you will find your beauty, right here, right now."