Punchy Rambling
Blah. Still sick. I cancelled my doctor's appointment today because I thought I was feeling better this morning. Now I wish I had gone... just so I could get more drugs. tee hee.
So not much is going on. I've pretty much been couped up in the house watching movies for the last 24 hours. It has been relaxing, though. I think this may be my body's way of telling me that I need a break.
B has been really sweet through this whole thing. He's taking care of me as well as he can. It's sweet to see him try.
My mom came and cleaned most of my house yesterday. That was nice.
Okay... sorry... I know this is like the most boring entry ever. My head is still a bit foggy.
I think I need to stop watching so many chick flicks. It is giving me a skewed view of relationships. I've watched "Something's Gotta Give," "50 First Dates" (twice), "The Wedding Planner," "Heart and Soul" (an older movie). And I'm about to watch another one. (I haven't decided which yet.)
They're cute, but far from reality.
I can't wait until we get out of school. I cannot decide which would be better: Should we have waited until we were out of school before we got married, and risked going another 3 guilt-ridden-years unwed? Or is it better that we went ahead and got married, and now have to suffer through tougher years than most newlyweds? I suppose we did the right thing. I mean, it was in God's timing. Maybe these years of stress will make us stronger for the years to come. I feel like, if we can get through these years, and come out stronger, then we can get through anything. Does that make any sense?
I'm not sure anything I'm saying today makes sense.
I decided that if we get pregnant next year, and we have to have the baby in this house, I will not change the color of the walls in B's room. It will be the baby's room, and it is the perfect color for a little boy's room. Hehe... if we have a little girl, I'm not sure what we will do.
Anyways... I'm not even sure next year is the right timing for having a baby. I know that for my career, and for our finances, it's not the right time.
I mean, if we're looking at this thing from a purely financial point of view, the following would be ideal:
I graduate December 2006.
I can work 40 hours a week for a full year, allowing us to save a minimum of $5,000 in that year.
B graduates December 2007.
He would not be able to start teaching until Fall 2008.
So, that allows us another 8 months to save our money. Since both of us will be working full time, we can save another $5,000.
During the 2007-2008 working year, we would lower our deductible and add maternity onto our health plan. (Maternity coverage has to be in effect for a complete year before the company will pay any benefits.)
Okay, so by fall 2008, we should both have our permanent jobs, working full time, with full health coverage, and $10,000 in the bank - just enough for a downpayment on a new house.
My guess is that by this time, we will have moved out of Athens. B would have his teaching job in the same county where my insurance agency is opening.
This will be the perfect time to get pregnant - Fall 2008.
That's three years from now.
I will be 24 years old. We will be financially stable, in a decent house, with the perfect jobs, and with enough resources to raise a child the way we need to.
That would be the perfect financial plan.
Hm.
But I want a baby now! And what about the whole Starlite thing? Am I supposed to own an agency, run this branch of Starlite, have kids, be a good wife, take care of a new house, and God knows what else??
That doesn't sound too much different from the stress that I'm facing right now.
Hm.
So... ultimately... I'm busting my butt right now so that I can make more money and bust my butt some more for the rest of my life...
Something about that just doesn't seem to fit.
Then... there's God's plans. I know He has my best in mind. I know that, in the book He wrote for my life, everything works out.
And so, I refuse to stress about the future. It is all in His hands. That's what I have to remember.
eeewwww.... the room is spinning. I think I'm going to go lie down.
Zzzzz....