Christmas letters
I asked B for a Christmas list, and here is the email that was in my box this morning:
"My Christmas List. Should not be altered and my
parents should know so I won't look disappointed on
Christmas when I get a present that I already have
like what happened with my birthday. I really don't
care if they are used or not in order to save money,
as long as they're in good condition, I'm happy. In
order of importance.
1)Nightmare before Christmas (DVD, maybe Special
Edition, doesn't matter. Almost everything on my list
is on sale in Dec.)
2)DVD Scene It! (Not any other DVD games like TV
shows and things, I like movies, not the other stuff
like SNL, etc.)
3)Smallville - Season 4 (an example of something I
don't mind being used because e-bay has great prices
on this stuff)
4)XBOX 360-not likely, but throwing it out there.
5)Gift Card-if nothing else.
6)Not clothes, unless underwear or socks because mine
keep magically disappearing.
7)Other DVD-hard to find something not in my
collection and me to like it as well, but there are a
few of them out there I wouldn't mind in my
collection.
Ho, Ho, Ho Merry Christmas and Jingle Bells."
To which I politely replied:
"Dear Mr. Thixton,
We would first like to thank you for your most recent Christmas requests. Your thorough description of the items was most deeply appreciated, and your magnanimous decision to accept new or used items was duly noted.
However, we regret to inform you that, due to the obvious sarcastic tone of the entire letter, along with other unfortunate "naughty" actions throughout the year (including, but not limited to, shooting your wife with a bright orange toy gun), we will be unable to provide you with the items requested.
Please do not feel that this is a personal attack on your character, as we have utmost respect for anybody who can put up with PMS issues the way you do. However, your ability to cope is not a factor in the decision-making process.
In closing, we would like to offer a word of advice. Be good next year, as this year's judgement will not affect future gift-giving decisions.
Please accept our deepest condolences for the apparent loss of your Christmas joy. To show there are no hard feelings between our department and yourself, please accept our best package of coal in your stocking which should arrive on or around December 25, 2005.
Thank you again for your continued patronage. Any appeals may be sent via email to the same address.
Sincerely,
The Elves"