Memories to last forever
"I'm so afraid to love you, but more afraid to loose
Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose
Once there was a darkness, deep and endless night
You gave me everything you had, oh you gave me light
And I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories"
- - - Sarah McLachlan, "I Will Remember You"
Several times over the last few days, I have found myself thinking, praying "God please don't let this moment end. I want to go on like this forever."
While there were many, many other wonderful, and not-so-wonderful moments during my Thanksgiving Holiday, this entry is dedicated to the *special* ones.
I knew I couldn't stop time and keep that moment forever, so I took mental pictures.
This will be my scrapbook:
The first moment that comes to mind arrived on Wednesday night. B and I had the house to ourselves, and we had no plans other than lying on the couch watching movies. But before we did that, he had some dishes to wash, and I had some baking to do for the following day.
I don't remember exactly how it started, but lets just say that me with an eggbeater and B with the squirty thingy at the sink - not a good combination. =) We made a mess, and had a lot of fun doing it.
The fun escalated into an all-out tickle war! He chased me into the living room. I was cornered and tried to tackle him. He pinned me down. And what followed is difficult to explain - it was a series of tickles and kisses and screams and growls and laughing, and snorting, and gasping for air.
Seriously, the most fun I've had in a long... long... time.
After the excitement was over, B sat on the floor, still pinning me up against the couch, and grabbed a guitar. With me lying on the floor between him and the couch... and with him propped up against me in a "if-you-move-I-will-tickle" position, he grabbed the guitar off the couch and began to play. Some of the songs were sweet, some were silly, some were HILARIOUS.
And this was the moment that I first thought, "I wish this time would never end." I loved the warmth of his body against mine as he leaned back onto my knees. I loved the sound of his voice and the movement of his arms as he strummed the guitar. I loved the look in his eyes when I laughed at his silly lyrics. And I loved who we were in that moment -
We were the quintessential newlyweds. Poor, stressed, tired. But all of those worries floated away as we laughed together. Nobody makes me laugh like he does.
*mental picture #1*
After that, how could I resist? We had the most wonderful... *ahem*... time. Passionate and sweet and still a little silly. Absolutely wonderful.
The second mental picture came yesterday (Thanksgiving) at my GMK's house. We had already eaten, and everybody was just sitting around talking. Then my mom and her brothers and sisters (there are five of them) decided to "practice" for an upcoming singing.
The sights and sounds were oh so familiar and oh so precious to me. The song began with brother #1's solo. In his deep, baratone voice, he sang the southern pentacostal music. Then the chorus came, and all five of them, plus my GD joined in. I can hear each voice individually and immediately pick out who is singing which part. Yet they all blend beautifully, as if they were created just to sing that one song.
Then, about halfway through the second verse, comes the inevitable joke from brother #2. From where I sat, I couldn't understand what he said, but I could tell by the tone in his voice that he was attempting to make sister #3, the baby, laugh.
And sure enough, she turns her back to the "audience" of family members. All I can see is her shoulders violently shaking, and all I can hear is her gasps for air between laughs.
Then the laughter becomes contagious.
The scene that follows is so very familiar to me, yet I laugh every time it happens... as does every other member of the family.
My mother (sister #2) sees sister #3 laughing, and she begins to get - as she puts it - tickled. Well sister #1 is always influenced by my mom, and I watch while her eyes fill with tears as she attempts to hold back the burst of laughter that's just under the surface of her demeanor.
So by the time the second chorus starts, Sister #3 has lost it completely, Sisters #1 & #2 are scared to open their mouths for fear that a guffaw with tumble out as opposed to the note they are supposed to sing, brogther #2 is looking around in delight and smiling from ear-to-ear to see the humor he has initiated not only in his sisters, but also in the rest of the family members who are watching, and brother #1 - by this point, the only one still singing - is giving all of them the "evil eye" for messing up "his" song. GD just smiles with pleasure, like always.
By the end of the bridge, and into the third and final chorus, they have - for the most part - regained their composure and are back to singing the perfect southern gospel harmony that comes like second nature to them.
It was in this moment, as they finished the last few notes of the song that I thought, once again, "I wish we could go on like this forever."
This harmony is something that is so familiar to me that I could sing every part at any point - backwards. But I didn't want to sing that night. I just wanted to sit and listen. It was beautiful. It was the ultimate definition of comfort - the deep soul-warming comfort.
And then the "kid's play" started, and all was over.
And I placed the mental picture in my file.
The third and final moment when I absolutely wanted time to stop, was this morning at 4:30am.
It's the day after Thanksgiving, right? America's busiest shopping holiday. And we decided it would be "fun" to go to Best Buy to get some electronics that were on sale.
It was on our way to this "chilly" destination that the third moment happened.
We got up at 4:00am, got dressed, and headed out the door by 4:20am. There was an excitement in B that I don't see very often - we were going to buy electronics.
He drove. I sipped my hot cider and tried to get the heater to heat up faster. We talked and laughed and dreamed about what we would buy.
There was nothing in particular about this moment that seemed "special." Except, it was special. And I can't quite put my finger on it.
Bundled up. Sipping cider. Talking. Laughing. Dreaming.
It felt - warm. In freezing whether at 4:30 this morning - I felt warm, all over. Inside and Out.
And at that moment, I wanted time to stop. I wanted us to laugh together and make each other warm... forever.
And so here I am, and each of those moments "came to pass" - and pass they did. Yet somehow I am still comforted by the memory of them.
Memory #1: I was loved by somebody.
Memory #2: I was loving somebody.
Memory #3: I was both.
And still, the verse comes to mind, "Better is one day in Your courts than thousands elsewhere."
Happy Thanksgiving!