Chloe Jane
Me again.
Totally obsessing over this baby thing.
For the record...
1.) I am not pregnant. I can't be.
2.) I do not want to be pregnant.
But, because this is MY diary and not YOURS, I am going to pretend that I am.
Because IF I were (even though I'm NOT) here's what I would be thinking...
...
A girl: Chloe Jane
A boy: Alexander John (aka Xander)
We decided on these names quite a while ago.
B will be so happy to be a dad. Or maybe not. Maybe he will be really stressed because of our financial situation.
What are we going to tell our parents?
My dad will flip... and then stomp up and down with a red face.
I can hear him already, "You are still going to finish school, aren't you?"
It's not really a question.
"Yes, I will. I'm now more determined than ever because I want to give him/her a future."
B likes the name Chloe Jane because of the song:
______________________________
well i want you to notice
to notice when i'm not around
and i know that your eyes see straight through me
and speak to me without a sound
[chorus]
i want to hold you
protect you from all of the things I've already endured
I want to show you
Show you all the things that this life has in store for you
I'll always love you
the way that a father should love his daughter
when i walked out this morning
i cried as i walked to the door
i cried about how long i'd be away for
i cried about leaving you all alone
[chorus]
sweet zoe jane [x2]
so i wanted to say this
cuz i wouldn't know where to begin
to explain to you what i have been through
to explain where your daddy has been
[chorus]
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I hate the name Zoe. But we both love the name Chloe. He told me last night that he imagines singing this song to our daughter some day.
We talked about how she will be a daddy's girl. He will sing her that song. She will tell everybody that he was her first boyfriend. She will want to marry someone "just like daddy."
And our son will be a mamma's boy - not in the sissy way - but in the way that he becomes a true man - a gentleman. Like the man in Wild at Heart.
I want him to bring me pet lizards because he likes to see me squirm. I want him to bring me wilted wild flowers because he likes to see me smile.
We would start making plans to move to Oconee Co. because that's where we want him/her to go to school.
I would call C and cry.
Then I would call AB and tell her she was right.
B would have to take a second job.
But it would be okay because he's providing a better life for our child.
I would have to go to school next semester really pregnant. But that would be okay too.
_____________________________
Some dream world I live in. I'm stopping now.