Prayer
Well, I'm here.
My stomach churned as I turned the corner into this little business park.
Why do they call it a "park"? Parks are for picnics and dog walks and duck feedings and birds chirping and fun and relaxation.
No, this is no park. This is just a cluster of brick buildings that provide a space in which people make money and attempt to pretend happiness while making it.
Did that make sense?
I don't think so.
My brain is foggy this morning.
My stomach is churning.
I can't seem to focus.
Lack of coffee... that's what it is.
I'm down to half a cup a day.
Well, one cup... half coffee, half water.
I think I'm tricking myself into believing it's a whole cup of coffee.
Today, the trick doesn't work.
Blah.
At least HE is not here today. He's in class in Atl. until 3:30pm.
I hope his class goes late...
...and that he gets caught in traffic on the way back...
... so that I can be outta here before he returns.
That's so bad!
How did this happen???
Just two weeks ago, I LOVED my job.
Now I can hardly stand to be in the general vicinity of this office... in this office "park."
Jen came over last night. She knows the President of a company that does medical trascribing, and she thinks the jobs can be done there at the office or from home.
She said she would talk with him about it.
That would be my ideal job.
Sitting at my computer at home...
In my PJ's...
With my baby sleeping...
Making money.
How INCREDIBLE would that be???
I'm praying for the Lord to work that out, if that is where he wants me.
I'm also praying for something else...
And this is HUGE...
I'm praying that B will have favor with his current employer so that they will pay him what he needs and deserves to be paid.
We had a talk yesterday, B and I, about how our roles in this family are changing.
We are both financially supporting each other right now.
But I make a lot more money for the hours I am working.
He said the other day, "You make more part time than I do full time."
And he's right, unfortunately.
It's unfortunate because when I quit this job, it will be a HUGE loss to our wallets.
But we talked...
And I said that my job can no longer be that of a financial supporter. My job is to be a mom - to nurture, nurish, and love this child with everything that is in me.
I said I was willing to contribute financially... to do my part... but I could not be RELIED upon for a large portion of our income... like I am relied upon now.
We talked about different jobs he could get.
WalMart distribution center pays $13/hr STARTING pay.
Home Depot would pay him $2-$3 more per hour for doing the same thing he is doing now.
But he doesn't want to work in corporate America again.
And I don't blame him.
Awful hours, no holidays, rude bosses, bottom lines.
It's a terrible way to live.
But here is what I told him...
Go look to see what's out there. See how much you COULD be paid at those other jobs. Then go back to your boss and tell him, "Here is how much I could make at such-and-such-a-place. I really want to keep working here because I enjoy the environment and the people and you and... but my wife is going to have a baby, and I have to make more money in order to support us. So unless you guys can pay me $x/hour, I am going to have to leave."
Quite a bargainer, eh?
And I pray with EVERYTHING that is in me that he will find favor with them, and he will be able to make good money while staying exactly where he's at.
Here are the benefits...
He's home by 6:30pm every day.
He doesn't have the stress of a "normal" job, which means he's much happier when he does get home.
He can do his homework at work, which means more time for me and the baby when he gets home.
He can get days off when he needs them, which means mommy gets a break every now and then.
He can schedule his classes based on what he NEEDS instead of based on when his work will let him off, which means earlier graduation.
Do you see why he needs to keep his job now? But do you see why he needs to be paid a LOT more for that job?
And that is my most burdensome prayer right now.
The second is that I will find a way to bring in income without having to take my infant to a daycare.
I know God will take care of us.
It will be a bit of a roller coaster from now till then, but I've always said that my life with God has NEVER been boring.
God knows I like it that way, deep inside.
I really do love the adventure of the new and unknown.
And when I'm not totally freaking out about it... I'm loving the ride.
So I just have to trust him.
I really do have a peace about it.
I know He'll take care of me.
He always has.
Maybe GB will fire me today so I can go on the SL retreat!
Okay... now it's just wishful thinking.