Day Three - PEACE
Tuesday, 1/9/2007, Day Three:
Today I feel much better physically than I did yesterday.
I started the day with a home-made smoothie. Then had brown rice and carrots for lunch and a few peanuts for afternoon snack.
I am starting to get hungry again, and I still have a good two hours before I get home, but I feel more energized than yesterday.
Spiritually, things are good too. Still no huge breakthrough, but lots of little Words from the Lord.
One thing that I have noticed as this fast has started is the change it is making in my marriage.
For the last 2-3 days, B and I have been at each other's throats. Normally, we don't fight. We may disagree on something or have different opinions, but it has been a very long time since we had a big fight. But we seem particularly upset with each other over the past few days.
And while these arguments aren't affecting our love for each other, they are not fun.
And so I prayed about it on the way to work today.
"Foxes in the vineyard" is the little phrase that keeps going through my mind.
I feel like the Lord is bringing "little" things to light right now before they become "big" things.
It's a painful experience. There are things that I do (or don't do) that I thought B like. At least, I thought he didn't mind them. But he has been expressing... in so many ways... his dislike of these things.
It's hard to hear. I suppose any criticism is. But, as the Lord has been showing me, these things are little "foxes in the vineyard" that can do a lot of damage in the long run.
So I am trying to change.
At the same time, I am finding some things about him that are not so great either. They are things that have always bothered me, but (again) they seem to be particularly pronounced these days. But I want to be careful not to "find" things about him that bother me just because he hurt me by what he said.
And so I have to keep in prayer about the whole thing...
Because satan is "the accuser of the brethren." And I certainly don't want to turn this into a marital problem.
I am just praying that the Lord will give me the grace to accept the criticism and change. And also give me the wisdom to know the difference between B's constructive criticism and "complaining."
...
I was also really tempted to watch TV today. All my housework was done (at least everything that was on my list for this morning), and lunch was already made. I had about 20 minutes to eat lunch before I needed to get ready for work. The baby was asleep.
So, I thought, "What is the harm in just watching 20min of the news while I eat lunch?"
But I didn't. And it was so peaceful to just sit and eat in silence. The only noise was the swish and whirr of the washer and dryer. I didn't say anything. I don't even really remember what I was thinking about. It was just a little wind-down period before the rush of the day continued.
I might try to enjoy a few minutes of silence like that every day.
Another thing I think I am going to try after the fast is the smoothie-for-breakfast thing. I normally chow down on a HUGE bowl of cereal as well as a couple cups of coffee before I get my day started. But the smoothie was just as filling. It also provided me with the same pick-me-up as the coffee, but without the jitters that come with caffeine. AND it gave me 5 (FIVE!) fruit servings and 1 veggie serving (I added carrots to make it less sweet).
So, maybe not every morning, but at least a few mornings a week, I am going to try to eat that for breakfast.
My overall thoughts on the fast so far: Even though there have not been any great spiritual revelations, I believe the Lord is TEACHING me how to have peace in my home. There have been so many times recently that I have asked the Lord to GIVE me peace in a trying situation. When, in reality, I could have avoided the stress altogether by simply having my clothes folded, or my dished done, or my groceries bought. So, I believe that is what I am learning the most up to this point - how to have peace in my home and in my life.
Tonight is 12-bean soup for dinner. Hmmm...