The Time Thing...
Okay... so I have made my decisions for the week.
I did not go to youth last night. Even though it was one of the biggest events of the year, we also usually have more volunteers than at any other time in the year. Sooo... I figured I would not be missed that much.
I am going to hear Bishop Kayanja tonight, as I feel completely spiritually drained after this past week's events, and I need some filling up.
I am also going to PA's house tomorrow night to discuss "Captivating," but my plan is to be home and in the bed by 11:30pm, no matter how late everybody else stays.
I have to go to the shower on Saturday morning because I am helping to throw it.
Then we have changed my dad's thing from Saturday afternoon to Saturday night so that we can go home a rest a bit after the shower.
I am not going to the prayer thingy on Sunday after church because that's when B and I decided we are going to have our "date."
So there... it's still more than I would like, but it will do.
...................
It's pouring rain here today. Lots of thunderstorms this morning. It's funny because just yesterday, I almost wrote about how I was longing for a thunderstorm.
I wonder what it is about storms that makes me feel the way I do.
I love them.
I could stand out in the middle of one and soak it in, were it not for the risk of lightning striking.
They make me feel alive - like no other time in life.
The smell, the wind, the water, the sound, the power - it ignites every sense.
I can even taste a difference in the air as the storm approaches.
Why? I wonder.
I wonder what it is in me that is so attracted to them - that is made to feel so ALIVE when one is here.
It's not just the rain - rainy days actually annoy me.
There needs to be wind and thunder and lightning.
Thunder comforts me... isn't that weird?
...
I think it's that I feel God in the storm.
Hm.
I have never really thought of it like that before.
It's the same feeling I get when I am in a service where there is a powerful move of the spirit. Only, in the service, there are lots of people and music and stuff to distract me.
But in a storm - the noise IS the power of God. It's just me and the storm... me and God.
It's tangible. It's the way I would imagine God would FEEL. You know what I mean?
Like... umm... like my granddaddy. He has a certain presence to him. A smell. A feeling that comes over me when I'm near him. If he were to walk up behind me, I would know it is him before he even turns around. Get it?
I think God, if he were a tangible person, would have the "feeling" of a thunderstorm.
Powerful, strong, electric, drenching... and somehow... peaceful. He would make me feel... Alive.
I don't know. Maybe this doesn't make any sense to anyone else. Maybe I'm the only person on earth who loves storms.
But they do remind me of my God.
And I think that's why, when there hasn't been one for a while, I long for one.
Because I long for that feeling - that feeling of excitement and longing.
...................
I had a good morning, except for one thing... I ate nothing but cookies for lunch.
*blah*
And I was praying about it on the way to work today.
"Lord, why can't I beat this thing? Why do I desire stuff that isn't good for my body? And why can't I get the discipline to deny myself despite the fact that I desire it?"
I was really beating myself up and feeling really bad...
When I heard the Lord say:
"The fact that it bothers you this much shows the work that I am doing in you. Your desires are changing, little by little, and I am accomplishing my will in you."
That was really encouraging, and something I had never thought. There was a time that I would sit and eat half a box of cookies in one sitting and not give it a second thought. Or if I did think about it, I quickly made up some excuse like "I'm really upset" or "I'm stressed" or even "I just won't eat anything the rest of the day."
But now, I don't do it nearly as often, and when I do, I just think "I shouldn't have done that! It's not good for my body, and I need to remember that next time!"
God IS doing a work in me. And no, it's not an overnight thing (though sometimes I wish that it were). Still, there are changes happening.
"Progress, not perfection."
Right? Right.
.......................
As I said before, I'm really excited about seeing Bishop Kayanja tonight... and what the Lord is going to do through him.
LA, the lady that works at our front desk, went to the service last time, and she said that he prophecied almost the entire time.
*woot*
I feel dry right now... thinned out, ya know?
I feel like I have nothing to give anybody - spiritually speaking. And so I'm really excited about sitting in a service and receiving. I need to be filled up again... especially before tomorrow night's meeting.
So, anyways, I'm really looking forward to it.
........................
I guess I'm out of stuff to say, and I guess I should get to work.
later.