Captain Nemo in my Dreams
So sorry for the delay in my writing. It has been an interesting week.
The beginning of the week went very badly. Life suddenly became very overwhelming.
Nothing, in particular, happened. I just lost... I don't know... my ability to cope. I don't think it has ever been that bad before. And I felt ashamed, because I thought there was no reason for me to be feeling that way.
But then, finally, out of obedience, I sent an email to some of my praying girlfriends to tell them about what was going on.
By the next morning, that "cloud" had lifted and everything seemed easier. I got my house clean. I'm continuing to work on laundry. My work at the office seemed manageable. Life seemed less overwhelming.
Nothing physically changed. But something inside me shifted. It was really awesome!
So, after telling you all that, I'm not sure what to tell you next. I will post an elijahlist.com word later that really spoke to me yesterday.
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I have been asking the Lord for an extra measure of faith. (See previous posts.) And, dang, if it hasn't been happening.
But, while I've never thought of it before, that is a scary prayer. It's like praying for patience. God will always send something or someone to test your patience.
It has been a time of definite faith-testing. And not even because any horrible thing has happened. But the enemy's lies have been coming at me from all directions.
And I am learning what it really means when I say, "Have faith in who God is, not in what He does. Because what He does is always changing, but who He is never changes."
And it came down to this question: Do I believe that God is a good God?
And this goes back to the question that God asked me when I was praying for Carrie: What do you believe?
Because, if I really believe this - that God is good. Beyond any shadow of a doubt. If I know that I know that I know that He is a good God, then I don't have to worry about what He is doing.
Because if He is a good God, He will never lie. He will never do anything that won't turn out well for me. He would never withhold any good thing from me.
But I have to know that He is a good God.
And that is what I have been learning this week.
Honestly, my previous notions about faith have been shattered. What I thought I knew, I now realize was not completely correct. And the more I learn about faith, the more I realize that I don't know anything.
Isn't that an awesome place to be?
So, anyways, I will post the elijahlist.com word later. It will talk a lot more about all this.
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I have also had some interesting "God Dreams" this week.
The first one was Wednesday night.
I dreamed that the entire youth group and I were in Africa. We were sitting on a hillside under some shade trees, and we were weaving very beautiful and very colorful fabric. We were weaving the colors in and out to form a chain or a rope.
At first, all I could see was the part that I was working on and maybe the part that the person sitting next to me was making. From what I could see, it would have made a good sized necklace. I announced to the group, "This would make such a neat bracelet!" Then I pictured myself wrapping the band around my right wrist and wearing it.
But then PA came up behind me, and suddenly I could see the whole thing. It was a large loop that was about four inches thick, and about 50 yards in diameter. It was HUGE, and everybody was working on a part.
Then PA said, "I think this is going to be too big for just one person to handle."
And I felt kind of silly for saying that I was going to carry it on my own.
And then I woke up.
I am not positive on this interpretation, but here is what I feel so far:
Anytime I have dreamed of sitting under large trees in the past, they have represented the Lord's protection and stability.
I feel like our youth group is sitting under God's protective covering, weaving a ministry comprised of many denominations, races and ages. We all have our part to weave in order to form the circle (which usually represents a never-ending bond).
It is just like me to take on a large project, thinking it is manageable, and then realizing how big it is and becoming overwhelmed.
That is exactly what happened in my dream. But I feel like the Lord is saying (through PA, in the dream) that there is no one person who can carry this. Once it is completed, there has to be the strength of a group to carry it.
And the verse that keeps going through my mind is this "A chord of three strands is not easily broken."
I don't know what the ministry is (other than the youth themselves) and I don't know why it was set in Africa. If any of you have any insight into this, I would appreciate any input.
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Then last night, I had a second dream... and a half.
I don't remember all of it because it was in the middle of the night. When I woke up from it, I immediately knew it was from the Lord, and I knew I should get up and write it down. But, as I said, it was the middle of the night; so I went back to sleep. I had forgotten some of it by this morning, but I think I remembered the important parts.
I was in Egypt, this time. There were two contending "people groups" in Egypt. One of the groups, a smaller group, were "God's people." (When I woke up, I thought about the Jews, God's chosen people). I was a member, or leader?, of this group.
The other group was a large military group of people. Their king was called "Captain Nemo" (Yes, like the character in "20,000 Leagues Under the Sea".)
In the beginning of the dream, he was asking me about my faith and, in particular, my peace. I don't remember exactly what I said, but I told him my faith was in God and that He gave me supernatural peace. I also remember saying to him, "I knew the Lord told me I was coming to Egypt, but I didn't think He literally meant Egypt. I thought it was a metaphor for something that would happen spiritually. I didn't think He would actually send me here."
Captain Nemo did not understand this peace that I had, and he even seemed to scoff at it. I got the impression that he had set in his mind that he was going to see if he could take my peace away from me.
So the two groups went to war.
Then the dream skips to after the battle.
I am sitting in a sun room outside of the main banquet hall in the castle. Captain Nemo's men had just captured the palace and they were raising their victory banners in the banquet hall. The banners were hot pink, and gold.
Then Captain Nemo came into the room where I was sitting. He sat down next to me and asked me what I thought now, after everything he had done to me and my kingdom.
I didn't answer him. But when he looked into my eyes (and into my spirit), he was suddenly shocked and bewildered... because I had not lost my peace. He was upset and clearly didn't understand why I still was able to have a peace though he had destroyed my kingdom and raided my palace. It was as if I had punched him in the stomach.
Then, a lady brought in a pink azalea bush in a pot. I had her set in on the shelf.
Then I woke up.
When I went back to sleep, I had another dream. I really don't remember any of that one except that another lady brought me another pot. This one had pale blue hydrangeas in it.
So... SS gave me the interpretation of this one. And it totally confirms with my spirit.
If you google the name meaning of "Nemo," it means, "Nobody, No one, No name."
And here is what she said...
It was a battle of deception. That king had no power because a nobody can't have power. A no-name has no authority. His battle was really to deceive me and take away my peace. And he was defeated because I still had my peace at the end, despite what I was seeing! He wanted me to believe that he had stolen my kingdom and my castle, but in reality I knew he had no authority... because Nemo is a nobody!
SS also confirmed what I was thinking about the flower bushes: my house. I definitely feel like those bushes represent an increase - a blessing. And, again, there is the implication of a "double blessing" because I dreamed about two bushes.
As you may remember, this "double portion" or "double blessing" has shown up in many of my dreams - through the numerous dreams about birthing twins, to the "Luke Wilson" dream about the triplets dressed in white, to last night's dream about the two bushes.
Once again, I don't know what the country Egypt represents. But the part where I said, "I knew God said He was sending me to Egypt, but I didn't think He meant it literally." Reminds me of how I feel about my faith right now. I know the Lord said He was going to stretch and increase my faith, but I didn't know it would be like this. I didn't know it would be this difficult.
OH MY GOSH! I just had a revelation about the bushes and about the double blessing!
I read this morning that in Christian dreams, pink can represent flesh while blue represents the Holy Spirit or a Heavenly visitation.
And maybe that is what the two bushes represent. The pink azalea represents my physical, earthly house. While my blue hydrangea represents a Spiritual increase.
*woot* That's awesome!
I feel like there is more than that... deeper stuff. But that's an awesome revelation now!
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So... that's it.
I wonder where the Lord is taking me tonight... maybe Antarctica? Or Australia?
I guess we'll wait and see.