What a Dream!
I had a dream last night.
It is tearing me up.
I went to Heaven.
I sat in Jesus' lap and felt His embrace.
I faced Him, and we talked... but without words.
It was a long, very detailed dream. And I know all the other details mean something; so I will write them down here.
But all I WANT to do is go back.
All I can think about today is sitting with Him again.
Anyways... here is the dream... it's still open for interpretation (at least, most of it is):
It started out here on earth. SS and I were walking around a track in a beautiful nature setting, and she said, "I think this is what Heaven is going to be like."
I said, "What? A track?!"
She said, "Yeah."
I said,"You're crazy!" and then we joked about the absurdity that Heaven is a track.
The next scene, we were in Heaven, and it did, in fact, look like a track. We were walking around this track with other people, and I said, "I can't believe you were right! Heaven really IS like this!"
The location of the track was really unique, though. It was like it was floating in space, but surrounded by "stuff." All at the same time, it was night and day and spring/summer/fall/winter.
We would take one step and it would be a bright, sunny day. A couple steps later, we would be in a starry night. As we looked around the track, we could see all the different seasons and times all at once.
I said, "Wow, I really have no semblance of time here..." (I realize now -after the dream - that semblance wasn't even the right word to use in that sentence, but it is what I said.) And as I said it, I walked past a calendar (or it floated past me, I'm not sure which) and it said SEP. Which led me to continue my sentence, "... except for knowing that it's September. But I have no idea what day or even what time it is!"
The next scene, there were several of us in a line waiting to see Jesus. I was SO VERY excited about finally seeing Him face to face.
When it finally came my turn, there was a lady sitting to His left holding His hand. She was an older lady with long gray hair that was pulled up in a bun. She had on no makeup and was dressed in a sweater and a long skirt.
She was sitting next to Him "worshipping" Him. She was crying and rubbing His hand and telling Him how wonderful she was.
But she didn't seem sincere. She seemed like she was doing it because she was supposed to be doing it... like someone who is paying homage to a king.
I did not like her being there and even felt a little jealous about the fact that this was "my turn" with Jesus, my intimate time with Him, and she was there.
But He did not say anything about her, and so I thought I shouldn't mention anything either. I ended up getting half of a hug from Him (because she continued to hold His hand). Then we walked away.
SS and I were walking around exploring Heaven, when she looked at me weird. She said, "Oh! You have [can't remember what it was] that you're struggling with!"
I said, "What?" because I didn't know what she meant.
Then she reached over and removed a heavy, large, wet, pink towel from around my shoulders. Suddenly, it became much easier to walk. It was weird because I hadn't even realized that I was burdened down, or that I was carrying this heavy thing. But she saw it and removed it.
Then we walked over to this black book. It was completely black, even the pages. We started writing in the book (I can't exactly remember what we wrote, though I can still remember what the writing looked like; it was for sure "cere..."?)
But the writing was like a liquid metal on the page. After we wrote it, it all started running until it puddled up in the middle of the page. Then the page completely absorbed what we had written so that it became completely black again.
We both thought that maybe it was a method of communication. Maybe we had just sent a message to someone and not even known it. At least, that's what we said to each other.
Next, we began walking towards a conference center/dining hall, when she said something that offended me. I don't remember exactly what she said, I just know that I was offended, and that I didn't want to say anything to her about my being offended. But almost immediately after I became upset, I looked down and saw a piece of peach/pink typing paper taped to the front of my shirt. When I pulled it off and looked at it, I recognized that it represented offense and resentment. And suddenly I realized how silly it was for me to hold on to that, and how easy it would be for me to just toss it aside. So that is exactly what I did. I just tossed it away.
Then I saw my mom a little distance away, and I began running to her and crying. We embraced, and as we were hugging, I started thumbing through a red book that she had brought with her.
About a third of the way through the book, at the top of a blank page, in her handwriting, was the word "Dad" with a heart beside it.
I knew immediately that it meant my dad (her former husband).
(I should say that from this point on in the dream, I was SOBBING uncontrollably. Most of what was "said" was actually just communicated without words, like mind reading or something. From this point forward, I was doing that cry that you do when you are either really in the Spirit or really heart broken. You know, the not-making-a-sound, drooling, snotting, aching cry where you feel like you can't catch your breath. THAT is how I cried for the entire last part of the dream.)
And I asked mom, "Have you seen dad?"
She just looked very sad.
Then I began to think, "If my mom is here, and she died at a really old age. And if my dad is older than her and in worse shape, then he is probably dead too. But where IS he?"
I started to panic, and nobody would tell me if my dad was there or not.
Then I thought, "Oh! Jesus will tell me! I HAVE to see Jesus!"
So I ran to where He was sitting in the first part of my dream. The line was still there, as was the woman on His left. But I cut in front of the entire line and ran over to him.
I stopped short of embracing Him when I saw the woman. He read my mind, and turned to her and said, "I need to see her right now."
Then He let go of her hand and reached both arms out to me.
I fell wholly and completely into Him. He wrapped His arms around me. I wrapped my arms around Him. I buried my face into His chest, and I SOBBED and CRIED and SOBBED and CRIED some more.
Hm.
I've started this sentence over three times now. I simply don't know how to explain this part of the dream.
I don't know how to say it.
It was like I have never felt before.
Like everything I have EVER hoped for or longed for or wanted but didn't even know it... was there... in one person.
There was NO!!! fear of rejection. It was absolute acceptance. He was strong. And gentle. And warm. And safe. And powerful.
I felt like I fit there. Like it's where I was supposed to have been all along.
After a while, I remembered why I had come to Him. I also remembered the black book from earlier. And I thought, "I wonder if I can communicate with my dad on earth through that book."
I looked in His eyes, and the answer was implanted into me, "No one here can communicate with anyone there."
Of course, this led to another round of sobbing and embracing.
Finally, I stood up.
And that was the end of the dream.
.......................
I have talked with SS about the dream, and we both agree that the woman represents legalism.
And I think it's obvious that my dad's eternity is hanging in the balance here. It was still unclear where he was at when the dream ended.
So... that's it.
I'm a little bit crushed today. Like, on the verge of tears... and really wanting to go back.
But somehow, I am really glad that I am going to see my dad this weekend. I really want some good, quality time with him. And since B is coming, I don't have to take care of CJ by myself the whole time I'm there.
...........
Okay... I'm going to try to get some work done now.
Let me know if you receive any insight into my dream!