Lovin' on my daddy
So... it's Friday already, and I apologize for not updating sooner.
I have spent a lot of time and energy writing emails back and forth with "Anne" - BJ's girlfriend.
She really is a delightful person, and I just can't wait for her to move down here so we can get to know each other better.
....
I'm feeling a little sad today, though I'm not really sure why.
I broke my media fast in a MAJOR way this morning. I totally watched all my morning talk shows PLUS a movie before work today.
Blah. Tomorrow will be better. I think I am going to ask B if I can go to Hobby Lobby and get some paint stuff. Then I might spend some time in the near future painting.
Then again, I do have a fairly busy weekend, and maybe right now is not the time for me to be starting new projects.
I had an interesting experience at my dad's house last night.
Well, I should say that I really have problems talking with my dad about the things of God. It's not that I don't try. It's simply that, when I attempt it, things become very uncomfortable very quickly. He clams up and doesn't say anything. He starts shaking his foot (his classic reaction to being in an uncomfortable situation). I mean, I just mentioned that I got burned at The Call on Saturday, and the whole table got quiet. Gosh.
Anyways...
On the way there last night, I was listening to the song "Because of Love" by Natalie Grant. And there, in my car, the Love of God just began to pour all over me and through me. I literally FELT it coming out of the palms of my hands and out of my body.
It was amazing and weird and awesome... all that love. It was heavy, and almost heart-breaking, but totally amazing.
And all I could think was "Let me take this to my dad! Please let this stay with me at my dad's house."
So when I got to my dad's house, everything went like normal....except for this: My dad hugged me THREE times. And two out the three times, he kept hugging and wouldn't let go. He said, "It just feels so good to hug you!"
I should say that my dad is not a "mushy" "huggy" person. He goes for the quick peck on the cheek, side hug, pat on the back type of stuff.
But I could tell that he just wanted to keep on hugging me last night. And the whole time he was hugging me, I was silently praying, "Lord, pour Your love into him through me. Pour Your love into him."
And I think that's exactly what was happening.
Isn't that awesome?!?
I'm going to visit him again tomorrow morning, and then he and P are watching CJ for me while I go on a date with my hubby.
Anyways, please pray for the Lord to continue to minister to my dad.... without words, if that's what it takes.
Another thing that the Lord has been speaking to me about my dad is this:
I have often prayed about the fact that I cannot really share my life with my dad because so much of it is comprised of the things of God. I cannot talk with my dad about that part because he's so uncomfortable with the entire subject.
It honestly breaks my heart that I have this whole other life... this whole other part of me... that he knows nothing about.
And I have been seeking the Lord about how to be able to share that part of my life with my dad.
Since having that dream about him, and particularly since The Call, the Lord has been showing me, in so many ways, that I don't act like myself when I'm with my dad.
I don't think I ever realized it before. I act differently when I'm with him. I mean, I'm not all sinful or anything. But I do compromise my attitude. That's the only way I know how to put it.
I'm hard. And maybe calloused. And I talk about the church as if I'm not a part of her body. I say, "Part of the problem with the church is..." because I think that will at least get my dad started in some religious discussion.
I roll my eyes about my husband. I pick on my brother. I have a bad attitude, in general.
I really think I do it out of nervousness. I don't know how I am supposed to act around my dad.
And that is what the Lord has been speaking to me about. He said, "Don't tell your dad about what I'm doing in your life, show it to him."
So that is what I am going to try to start doing. I am going to start trying to act like myself, and not who I think he expects me to be.
Yup. Yup.
"Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father, which is in Heaven." Matthew 5:16