Researching the wrong things...
It's the same old story - writing in my diary to avoid doing actual work.
I have another paper due tomorrow. Great fun.
But my mind is wandering today. I'm really having to struggle to keep it in check.
Yesterday's doctor's appointment really threw me for a loop. When I started lactating, I just knew I was pregnant. I was actually getting really excited, and as I was waiting for my test to come back, I was thinking about all the fun ways I could tell B and the rest of my family that I was expecting.
Instead, I have a hormone imbalance.
Then, when I got home, B and I started looking up the causes for malfuntion of the pituitary gland.
Most common cause: Prolactinoma
A prolactinoma is a non-cancerous pituitary tumor that produces a hormone called prolactin. This results in too much prolactin in the blood.
Symptoms in females:
irregular or no period
abnormal milk flow from the breast in a woman who is not pregnant or nursing
infertility
decreased sexual interest
Headache
vision problems
(all of those apply to me except infertility; although since we haven't been trying, that's a little difficult to gauge)
Treatment: most prolactinomas can be regulated by lifetime medications to help balance the hormone levels. In rare cases, surgery is necessary to remove the tumor. If the tumor returns despite medication or after surgery, radiation therapy is required.
Left unchecked, it can lead to osteoperosis, hypothyroidism, or permanent loss of sight.
This is the mildest thing that it could be. It goes from there to hypothyroidism and on upwards (or downwards?) towards Cushing's Syndrome.
Blah.
So now, every time I feel that pain in my breast or that cramp in my belly, I no longer smile and wonder if it's a little person growing in my tummy. Now, I frown and wonder if it's a little tumor growing in my head.
Blech!
I'm really trying not to freak out.
Honestly, I read WAY too much about it last night before going to bed. As a result, I kept waking up in a panic last night about OTHER things:
Did I lock the car before I went to bed?
Did I lock Chloe's window?
Did I set my alarm?
Where are my keys in case I have to get them in the middle of the night?
Yeah, seriously.
I realized this morning that I had left the door WIDE OPEN for fear, stress, and worry to come waltzing in.
So today, I'm just trying to take whatever action I can and leave the rest up to the Lord.
We applied for health insurance last night. Since I have not officially been diagnosed with anything, I can still apply for the insurance with no "pre-existing conditions."
It can take up to 45 days for the policy to become active.
So I'm going to wait until all that is settled before I make my appointment.
In the meantime, all I can do is try not to focus on it.
In my ladies group, we have been talking about the fear of the Lord.
In the process, we have compared the fear of the Lord to general fear. One lady said, "The only difference between fearing the Lord and being afraid is the object on which you are focusing."
Focusing on the Lord and all His goodness leads to fear of Him.
Focusing on the "waves" (like Peter did) leads only to being afraid.
Now, as many of you know, my natural instinct is to research the Hell out of any topic I'm interested in.
That's what I did last night - for informational purposes.
I read all about the different things that could cause petuitary malfunctions. I read about the symptoms, how they are diagnosed, what the complications and treatments are, and what happens if those treatments don't work. I know how most of them were discovered, and I know how common they are in the United States.
I know all that I would ever need to know about each of the disorders.
And now, I know I need to stop.
I got the information I needed, but reading any more will cause me to lose focus. I can already see it happening.
I should have spent time with the Lord last night after reading all that crap.
Because my focus needs to stay on Him - for my own sanity.
So... I'm going to go start my research paper and crank up some worship.
Seacrest, out.