I got saved!!!!
Well, I got saved tonight. That's right. Salvation. Apparently, for the first time.
So, here's how it went...
RHB is doing a huge conference at our church. It's televised and computerized and all those other -ises and -izes.
All night, he was talking about the Fuego de Dios (Fire of God) that ignites a passion for the lost.
I wanted to be en fuego.
So, naturally, I was excited when the altar call came.
He said, "There are three groups I am talking to tonight. I want you to come up tonight if you want to receive Christ for the first time. I want you to come up if you want the fire of God to burn in your life. And I want you to come up if you want to be assured of your salvation."
So, wanting the fire and all that, I went up.
Apparently, his idea of fire and mine are two completely different things.
Because he led us in the sinner's prayer.
All of us.
Then he made us look him in the eye while he told us that all of our sins had just been forgiven.
One guy did exactly what I wanted to do - try to sneak out.
But RHB stopped him and said, "Sir! You can't leave! Don't leave! We're not done yet! We have a gift for you! So we're placing you under house arrest! You cannot leave!"
So, the humiliated "new convert" crawled his way back up the aisle to join the rest of us.
There went my last thoughts of freedom from this "trap."
So I just went along with the herd - mob mentality and all that.
They ushered us into a very narrow hallway (where there was NO ESCAPE!)which was lined with Deacons, Elders, Ushers, Altar workers, and Teachers (basically the parents of my Kid's church kids as well as my employers). They made us fill out "new convert cards" while simultaneously giving us the "gift" CD entitled, "Welcome to the Family."
Needless to say, I got more than one confused look and sideways glance.
However, I also received those few understanding nods and faint snickers from those who had been tricked into salvation the night before.
Why didn't anybody warn me?!
Hehe... needless to say, it was an interesting night.
Now I just need to explain to the deacon board why their children's pastor of six months went up front to receive Christ for the first time.