A rough weekend
Well, everything is official. All the parents know. Pastor B knows. I still have to tell the Senior Pastor, but we're in some special meetings this week; so I'm going to wait until all that is over before I tell him.
This weekend was ROUGH, ya'll.
I recognize that everyone has their own emotions about this. I understand that our moving doesn't just affect us. I know that we are ripping their granddaughter away from them and taking her to the other side of the world.
These are things I don't have to be told.
But this weekend, one by one, we told each parent/grandparent. And one by one, they each broke down right. in. front. of. us.
We have received numerous phone calls from each of them (especially my mom).
And I've had my fill of it.
Ok. We're leaving. I know you have to grieve about "losing" your granddaughter. But can you please talk about it with your spouse... your siblings... your best friends... ANYBODY but me.
Because, quite frankly, I have my own crap I'm dealing with. But I can't tell you that. Because if I told you that, you'd try to convince me that I'm not supposed to go.
I can't tell you that I'm FREAKED OUT about the fact that I know NOTHING about their language or culture. What if I get lost in the big city and can't ask for directions? What am I going to feed my daughter when Peanut Butter is $10 a jar? What if I get over there and they all hate me? Do you realize I'm AT LEAST 100 lbs. heavier than ANYONE over there? What if they make fun of me? How am I supposed to teach children how to speak English when I can't even tell them the Korean equivalent of the words? What if CJ's verbal development is hindered by the fact that we are in a non-English-speaking country? What if I'm lonely? What if B is off teaching every day and I'm stuck at home without any friends? IT WOULDN'T BE THE FIRST TIME GOD HAS DONE THAT TO ME.
See, ya'll? I can't deal with YOUR fears and insecurities about us going over there because I HAVE MY OWN TO DEAL WITH. So, please PLEASE, call someone else. PLEASE.
That is all.