Starting today...
It's time to go extreme. I am trying to walk 30 minutes each day, and I am limiting my calories. But I'm still hovering around 260. So, I'm going to try the HCG diet without the HCG. I don't think it's quite as healthy b/c I don't have the vitamin supplements. And I'm sure I won't lose as much weight b/c I don't have the HCG to balance the hormones as I go. But I have to do something. I can't just wait until September and hope that I don't gain weight over the next three months.
So... the HCG diet goes something like this...
1 serving of fruit for breakfast.
3oz lean meat and 3oz veggie for lunch.
Same for dinner.
1 serving of fruit at another point in the day.
No milk. No sugary drinks.
I'm not going to stick to the diet exactly. For example, on the HCG diet, I am only allowed apples or strawberries for my fruit. Right now, I'm just going to eat whatever fruit is in my fridge. On the HCG, I can only eat green veggies. But I'll allow myself carrots, sweet potatoes, etc. Also, I am still going to stick with my cup of coffee each morning. I'm sorry, but a sleep-deprived mommy needs SOMETHING to wake up, and since artificial sweeteners aren't available here, I'm just going to stick with my regular Korean instant.
I just feel so... old.
I know I've been complaining about this a lot here, but it's really at the forefront of my mind. I have been waiting for 10 long months so that I could start losing weight again, and now that it's not happening, I'm starting to feel desperate.
As I said, I feel old. My muscles are sore. My joints ache. I realize that some of that is related to the elevated cortisol, but I'm sure not all of it is. I'm sure that if I could just lose some weight, things wouldn't be so difficult physically.
But it's not just how I feel. I'm starting to look old. I can't point out exact things that are making me look old. I don't appear to have any more wrinkles or sagging skin than I did this time last year. I just look... tired... and old. I don't know how else to put it. I catch myself in the mirror and think "Damn, I look like I'm 45." And I really think a lot of that has to do with the weight. A body can only carry this much baggage for so long before it starts to take its toll.
So I'm going to go extreme, starting right now. For dinner: a big bowl of steamed carrots. :)
But I also have to be careful not to become too obsessed about this. I can really see myself going down a bad road if I start listening to the lies of the enemy.
I keep thinking, "This is the best I will ever look. I will only get older and fatter, and this will be my best. I can hope for no better."
But the Bible says, "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans TO GIVE YOU A HOPE AND A FUTURE."
I keep thinking, "My husband will never again find me attractive, and he will eventually leave for someone thinner and more beautiful."
But God says, "Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting. But a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised... her husband is full of confidence in her."
I think, "My children will only know a fat, unhealthy mom. And because I have not set a good example, they will grow to be fat and unhealthy."
But God says, "I will contend with those who contend with you, and your children I will save."
I tell myself, "This is impossible."
And God replies, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."
So, here it goes. With or without the weight loss, this is a good way to eat. I'm just hoping for with... rather than without.