Getting excited...
I know this sounds silly, but I am so excited about having a job.
When we first moved to SK... when it was just me and CJ in the house all day... I really enjoyed being a SAHM. I loved being able to set my own schedule. I enjoyed the autonomy of not answering to a "boss" regarding how I spent my day. If I spent the entire day scrubbing the house, great! But if I deemed a certain day to be "pajama day," that was good too. If CJ was bored, we went on an outing. If she was tired, we stayed home and crashed. Life, for the first time EVER, felt easy.
Then MA came along. Now, don't get me wrong, I LOVE having my two little girls in the house. I wouldn't trade either of them for anything in the world. But being a SAHM is decidedly more difficult with two little ones (or three....?)
I don't have the time (or energy) to do all the things I did with CJ. The thought of pulling out play-doh (and all that entails)makes me want to sue the play-doh manufacturers for making it so messy. Paint is completely out of the question, as I can't leave her with it by herself if MA needs something. And it is quite difficult to change a princess dress with one hand while feeding a baby with the other.
The result is that I often feel guilty at the end of the day for not stimulating CJ enough. Back in the states, we would just send her to preschool or a Mother's Morning Out a couple days a week.
I'm also discovering that I'm not a good teacher. With CJ, my mom was the one who read and painted and did play-doh, and she LIKED it. I do it out of a sense of obligation because I want to make sure she has some stimulation in the day. The same is true with MA.
But I look back at when I worked at the insurance agency. CJ had stimulation outside of our home so that, when we got home, it was ok for me to just talk to her, sing with her, bathe her and feed her. I wasn't responsible for her every waking moment.
That was a really hard time in life for other reasons, no doubt. But the fact that I could just be a mom - not a teacher, entertainer, sibling, and friend also - makes that aspect of parenting easier.
I don't think this is making any sense.
I will just be glad to have somewhere to go everyday. I will be glad to do something that I'm GOOD at because, I think we all can agree, I'm not a very good SAHM. I will be glad to have someone else entertaining my children so I can be their mom, and not their everything.