Eight weeks left?
I can't help but feel a little... no... extremely nervous about all these decisions.
B and I are both surprised at our own reactions toward the pending move. We have grown to love it here. Of course, there are things we still miss. Of course, there are days that are really hard.
But, bottom line, moving here has been the hands-down best decision our family has ever made. We have grown closer to each other and closer to God. In this land, far away from our "influential voices," we have found a happy (albeit imperfect) equilibrium in our home, our marriage, our parenting, and even our priorities.
But there is one thing still lacking: our finances.
If this move proves beneficial in that area, then we have decided to go.
Financially, it will be a good decision for us, I think.
It will also put us close enough to the "influential voices" that we can see them often without having them dictate our day-to-day activities.
Not to mention, um, hello? C and J are there!
Here is my life in Memphis:
I will work across the hall from the love of my life, in an office right next to the room where my children will be cared for, down the hall from my very best friend, and making more money than we have ever made before.
What is not to love?
So it's not the dread of Memphis that scares me. It's the dread of leaving here.
I love the sound of the train and to coo-coo bird out my window at night. I love the adventuresome spirit I feel every time I walk out my door. I love our slow pace and our Korean-style attitudes.
I don't want to go back to the way things were.
Things were hard.
Things sucked.
Our marriage was struggling. CJ was scared of B b/c she never saw him. My mother knew more about CJ's favorite foods than I did. It's like the three of us were living three different lives while living under the same roof.
It sucked.
And I am terrified that we will end up back there in six months.
We are so happy here.
Yet we know it is a wiser long-term decision to go to Memphis.
And I know we can be happy there.
At least, I think I know it. All signs point to "yes."
So I will spend the next eight weeks in prayer. Prayer for our family. Prayer for my marriage. Prayer that we will not be recaptured by old patterns, that the things we learned here will carry into our next phase.
I will pray. And I will choose to not worry. And I will enjoy every single moment in this country. And I will miss it. But I will be joyful.
So, that is that.