The Beginnings of a Dream..
So can I tell you something we are secretly considering.
It's far-fetched.
It's unrealistic.
It's improbable.
But it has been growing in my heart since I was 15.
Seriously, I wrote a research paper on it in the 9th grade because I knew that someday I wanted it.
B is not convinced we are able to do it, for various reasons. But he said that if the path were set before us, and the necessary funds provided, he would do it in a heartbeat.
We want two more babies... boys, preferably.
But I don't want to be pregnant or go through labor. ever. again.
And our hearts... my heart... oh! how it aches for those babies in Uganda. In Ethiopia. In Mongolia. All over the world. 147 million of them. Needing a mommy.
I want one.
I want two.
I already love them so passionately.
But setting aside the fact that they need us... I really believe we need them.
It's very important to B that we have a boy to "carry on the family name" and all that.
It's very important to me that my little girls have each other... and that our little boys have each other too.
And the things is... most people want to adopt girls. I don't know why... but that's the way it is. So there are more boys in need of a home and family than girls.
And also? Also, after the first year of life, the chances of these kids getting adopted drops drastically.
Do you know what I thought when I heard that? No baby stage!!! Woo hoooo! I loved/love my baby girls, don't get me wrong, but I do NOT enjoy the infant/baby stage. And if I could have a child without having that infant stage? Well, that'd just be awesome.
They have a need. We have a need. Throw in a whole truckload of love, and this could be right...
Our family is not complete, I know that full well. I know it deep in my heart...
But I don't want to be pregnant again. And God knows, I don't want to go through another labor and delivery.
But see there's this thing. This thing called money.
$20,000. Per. Adoption.
Now, the U.S. government does refund $12,000 per adoption after the fact. But that means that, at some point between now and when we bring our little boys home, we must raise $40,000.
That's one full year of B's teacher salary.
One. Full. Year.
So.
Like I said...
It's improbable.
It's unlikely.
Frankly, it's damn near impossible.
Unless God...
He's the only one who can work all this out.
And we're not planning it next year or anything...
Maybe in 4-5 years.
But the thing is, we absolutely cannot get preggo between now and then.
All countries but one (Ethiopia) forbid international adoption to families with more than four children.
Which means, if the next one we birth is a girl, our little boy won't have a brother.
It wouldn't be the end of the world, but it wouldn't be ideal...
But it's not just that. It's that we have a lot of debt. And, you know, $40,000 to raise.
We can't afford maternity leave, fewer hours at work, or all the other expenses that come with having another baby.
This is the first time I've discussed this (other than w/ B), but it's been on my heart so strong recently. And it seems that everywhere I turn, someone is bringing home a new, beautiful, loved, wanted, adopted child. So this little seed that was planted some 10 years ago... it's growing, y'all. It's growing, and blossoming, and developing into a full-fledged heart-wrenching desire.
Like I said, it's just a dream... one of many, I suppose
But God knows my heart. He knows my desires. Heck, I'm pretty sure He's the One who planted this one there.
So... this is the beginning... the beginning of making a plan.
In January, I'm planning to get an IUD to prevent any unplanned pregnancies. And then work, work, work... save, save, save... pray, pray, pray...